EP31: From Numb to Noble: Reclaiming Fire After the Fall feat. Ryan Rockwell

Welcome to another episode of The Uncommon Man Project — the space where men stop performing and start remembering who they really are.

This isn’t about hacks or hustle. It’s about grit, integrity, and the long road back to wholeness when everything collapses.

Because for the high-achieving man, it’s not success that breaks you — it’s the disconnection from your soul on the way there.

Today’s episode is for the man who’s hit his limit. Who’s burnt out, numbed out, or on the brink of walking away.

This is the episode you come back to when you’re out of answers but still feel the flicker of fire inside you.

GUEST - Ryan Rockwell

Ryan Rockwell is a man who’s walked through the fire.

As the founder of Modern Yoga Teacher and Modern Healer, Ryan built one of the most respected platforms in the wellness industry. His business exploded. His lifestyle looked like a dream. He became the go-to success story for countless coaches and conscious entrepreneurs.

But behind the accolades was a man unraveling.

In this raw and unfiltered conversation, Ryan shares how burnout brought him to the edge of life itself, how performance masked pain, and how reclaiming his masculine truth meant letting go of the illusion of “enough.”

He’s now rebuilding from a place of alignment, launching Burnout Alchemy, and devoting his life to helping men transmute burnout into purpose.

KEY THEMES & QUESTIONS COVERED:

• What does burnout actually feel like behind the scenes?
• Why success can feed your shadow if left unchecked
• The unseen toll of leading from performance over presence
• Masculine polarity, lone wolf syndrome, and the need for male community
• How to rebuild when your identity, mission, and business collapse all at once
• The one thing Ryan held onto that pulled him back from the brink
• Wisdom for younger men navigating failure, loneliness, and uncertainty

Connect with Ryan:

ryan@primelive.ai

Also keep an eye out for his podast - Burnout Alchemy

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Transcript

Jun 12, 2025

Ryan Rockwell  Podcast meeting with Nick Vonpitt - Transcript

Nick Vonpitt: Welcome back to another episode of the Uncommon Man Project, where we cut through the noise of surface level success and get to the truth of what it really means to lead, to feel, and to rise as a man in today's world. This is isn't just a show. It's a space for real conversations with men who have walked through the fire, who have faced failure, heartbreak, burnout, and the quiet doubts that come when he thinks the world's got it all together. This is for the men building legacy, not just lifestyle. Today's guest is a man who has done exactly that. Ryan Rockwell is a powerhouse of presence and purpose. As the previous founder of modern healer and modern yoga teacher, Ryan has coached thousands of wellness leaders, coaches, and entrepreneurs to lead from authenticity, not performance.
 
 

00:04:07

 
Nick Vonpitt: With a background in Eastern philosophy, kinesiology, and sematic embodiment, Ryan doesn't just teach business. He helps people reclaim their integrity, own their voice, and build from the inside out. But Ryan's wisdom isn't textbook, it's lived. His journey includes burnout, loss, reinvention, and a courageous return to mission after walking away from success that no longer aligned. He's guided top tier leaders through consciousness expanding retreats, held space for massive identity shifts, and now stands as a beacon for men seeking clarity, courage, and depth. This conversation is one for the man who's tired of pretending and ready to rebuild from truth. Welcome, Ryan.
Ryan Rockwell: Dude, you literally almost made me cry. The best introduction anyone's ever given me. Wow. Thank you. Yeah, great to be here, man. Good to see you. Yeah.
Nick Vonpitt: Thank thanks for being here. I I really really meant that. Um so, you know, just just to dive in, Ryan, with you know, starting off the bat here. Um, let's start with the fall.
 
 

00:05:21

 
Nick Vonpitt: What did burnout or breakdown look like for you? And what were the early signs you may have ignored when that break finally did take place?
Ryan Rockwell: Um, well, when I started the business Modern Yoga Teacher, I wasn't in a good place. Like, I just wasn't. I I'd been working for the Yoga Journal as their online marketing manager, and it was just just so corporaty. I just hated it. It was just h I just had no like creative I just had no creative ability like in that job. So anyways it was just enough for me to start modern yoga teacher and when I did it I had been looking at building a tiny home for like two years. And so I finally after 2 years realized that a tiny home in 122 square ft and my 90 lb dog was not going to be the greatest fit. So I got a travel trailer cuz I really want I I love simple living. I I really love just having minimal position. Like minimalism is definitely a lifestyle for me.
 
 

00:06:39

 
Ryan Rockwell: So the point I'm trying to make is that when I started the business, I had just moved from Boulder, Colorado, where my meditation yoga community was, to Golden, Colorado, which was 25 minutes away in a RV park with a an interesting crowd. And um so I was just away from my community and I'm starting my business and I'll just be straight out like I was not in a good place mentally. I was like, I'm either going to make this business successful or I'm checking out. And I'm sure you can figure out what checking out of life means. Yeah. Going dark. So, um, there I am in my trailer by the river and I'm starting Modern Yoga Teacher and I'm taking medapanil because like this is like I've got to make this business work. So, I'm taking medafanol during the day, jacking myself up, you know, so I can focus. And then it was just so much like focus that I couldn't sleep at night. So then I would take marijuana edibles at the end of the day to try to like sleep
 
 

00:07:50

 
Nick Vonpitt: Damn.
Ryan Rockwell: and like I would have these amazing ideas at the end of the day and then I couldn't remember them in the morning. like every night was like, "Oh my god, I could do this and this and this." And I'd wake up like, "What the f*** was I talking about? What was that idea?" So that's how I started my journey. And I mean, again, like I was all in. I would do whatever it took to be successful. Like I would do whatever it took. I would sacrifice sleep, health, whatever it was to experience success or sacrifice relationships. And so that's how I started the business. And it wasn't I have I have zero regrets because I'll just add to that like most of my life before that I was a runner and a quitter. When things got tough I checked out. And so that was the first time that I was like I'm all in. I have to make this work. And so I'll just go the 100,000 foot view.
 
 

00:08:47

 
Ryan Rockwell: I just I I lived that way for the next seven years. And we were in we were very very blessed to be wildly successful. We either double tripled or quadruple our revenue almost every single year for the business. I lived an incredible lifestyle like because I wanted to live my brand. We were teaching yoga teachers to work from anywhere in the world. So I was like well I've got to you know exemplify that. So probably three years in the business, I just moved to Bali and then I just started traveling around the world and it was great and it was beautiful and it was fun and I got so much shine because all my business coaches I was like often their biggest testimonial. So they would like promote me and that felt so good and like people were that were other in the business coaching programs be like, "Oh my god, you're crushing it." And I'm like, "Yeah, f****** awesome." Meanwhile, like I'm just like me, I mean, let's get f****** real, man.
 
 

00:09:41

 
Ryan Rockwell: Let's let it let let's get real real real today. So, like I was always like I was very afraid of commitment. Like I told you, I quit things and that was the same thing on like relationship side. I was a dating app w****. I would have like Tinder, Bumble, maybe Plenty of Fish. I would be going dates all the time. And then as my business grew, I was like, I've got to stop doing this and I've just got to focus on my business. So I still crave that physical intimacy. So I started seeing escorts. So, like literally I would drive an hour into Denver to go see escorts to get that oxytocin hit, then
Nick Vonpitt: Yeah.
Ryan Rockwell: go back, work on my company, you know, until, you know, 2 3:00 in the morning, get some sleep, wake up at 8 a.m. and do it all over again. Like, I was just a a go go go go go. And because I was getting shine and I was making money, it all felt great.
 
 

00:10:45

 
Ryan Rockwell: But I mean at the same time like it felt very inauthentic to be seeing escorts while I'm the the leader of modern yoga teacher which is probably 85% women. The staff was like 80% women. Wow. Can't believe I'm telling you all this but why not? So the point of it is like I was burning the candle at both ends and as long as I was making money and as long as I was getting approval it was feeding me. But meanwhile, like there was a true passion for me to help yoga teachers to reach more people and change more lives. I absolutely believed in our mission and passion can be incredible. It can really fuel you, but it can
Nick Vonpitt: Yeah.
Ryan Rockwell: also f****** burn you. And I lived on passion. And by the time like around I started the business in in October of 2015. By July of 2021, I was sleeping like two, three hours a night. You know, I was taking uh still marijuana every night to try to go to sleep.
 
 

00:11:52

 
Ryan Rockwell: I was having gut issues. Um and a friend of mine like and I had used chewing tobacco since I was 17, so like many many years at that point. And a good friend of mine was like, "Dude, why don't you go to like rehab? Like, get off of the chewing tobacco. Get off the marijuana. Go somewhere where you can just relax. Like, you are you're burnt out, dude. You're toast." And so that's literally when I went to this executive wellness retreat center in South Africa, um, White River. I can't remember the name of it, but it was in White River. Um, near the, um, what is the the safari?
Nick Vonpitt: Krueger
Ryan Rockwell: uh
Nick Vonpitt: National Park.
Ryan Rockwell: Krueger National Park.
Nick Vonpitt: Yeah.
Ryan Rockwell: Oh god, that is lifechanging that place. But anyways, so I I went there for two months. I mean, you were already a part of the organization. Like, you know,
Nick Vonpitt: Yeah.
Ryan Rockwell: people might not know this, but Nicholas used to work at for Modern Yoga Teacher as a coach.
 
 

00:12:49

 
Ryan Rockwell: And um I I went to the to the this this retreat center, got off the tobacco, got off the marijuana, and then all of a sudden for whatever issues, I just started having this these terrible gut pains. Terrible. Terrible. I went to the emergency room like four times. It was a really tough two months trying to get through that period. Yet, that was supposed to be my time to relax. That was supposed to be my time to get my health back. And so like just to perpetuate this a little bit a little bit further then I'll I'll pause is that I went through those two months basically came back to the US shortly after that because I just I was in terrible pain. I found this gut healing burnout retreat in Mexico for like 21
Nick Vonpitt: Hey.
Ryan Rockwell: days. So, I get down there, I actually get there a week early and I'm in such physical pain every single night that I finally go to a pharmacy and say, "Hey, give me the cheapest painkiller you have."
 
 

00:13:52

 
Ryan Rockwell: And they're like, "We have morphine." I'm like, "Okay." And for the next six months, I took morphine every night to try to deal with the pain. And during that time, I literally just was just slowly losing it. And I was losing touch with my reality, losing touch with my company. And that's when I put Modern Yoga Teacher up for sale for the first time. And when it all culminated, when it all hit the fan is when I I signed the final contract to sell the business. The buyer signed the final contract to buy the business. You might remember that Tuesday call. We had a team a team call which we had every month and I let everybody know that last night the day before someone bought the company and that I was no longer an asset to the organization. I was more of a liability. And the reason that I did it was because the only way this company was going to accomplish its vision was with somebody else. Because it wasn't going to be me.
 
 

00:15:01

 
Ryan Rockwell: I didn't have it in me anymore. And um you know I remember um operations manager Evelyn turning off her Zoom camera crying. She had been with me for four years and I couldn't tell anybody. I couldn't tell anybody I was selling the business, you know. And um a week later that same guy that bought the company backed out. He never sent the wire. So, I guess he he kind of left me at the at the altar, so to speak. So, to come back to you guys, to come back to the company of our our 26 employees and say, you know, that that guy that was buying our company, he's out. But, you know, even though I told you I'm mentally, physically, and spiritually done re running this company, I'm f****** back. Let's do it. And everybody was like, "Bull s***.
Nick Vonpitt: Ju just just
Ryan Rockwell: b*******.
Nick Vonpitt: just to pause you on that there. Like what what was the what what what is your your your state of mind and state of being when you had to come back in there?
 
 

00:16:23

 
Nick Vonpitt: that realization that you don't get to walk away into the good night and sleep peacefully again. Like you just got left at the altar. You've got to you've got to pick up something that you actually put down. You took that burden basket. You put it down and you're like, "Ah, it's done. Like I did it. I I'm I'm doing good for for the team, the collective, the company. They can follow through on a mission. I need to obviously try and figure things out for myself." But then that moment when it's like, "Oh s***, this isn't going to be the happy ending." Like, what was going through your your mental space then?
Ryan Rockwell: I mean, dude, I I was suicidal. I mean I you know what did I tell you when I started the company I was like either I'm going to make this successful I'm checking out and so of course that thought of re-entering my mind did I make this company successful and you know the thing is is that um that that concept of it's just business that's it's never been that way for me
 
 

00:17:28

 
Nick Vonpitt: Yeah.
Ryan Rockwell: I've never had a separation between personal and business I've never been able to successfully do that because in my For me, my my life is my business. Like, and I don't mean that in like a superficial or like unhealthy way. Maybe it is unhealthy, but I don't know any other way. And I I f****** love what I do. Like, I'm here on this f****** world to make a f****** difference, to make to create true transformation. And I will not stop until I do. And for I knew that at that moment, I needed to take a step back. And so, and dude, I took a lower offer. We had seven bids on the company. I took one of the lowest bids, like a half a million dollar less, just because I thought he was the actual guy that could lead the company. The guy that had the highest bid had a strong Indian accent. And I'm just trying to think of I have I love I I dude I'm a yogi, so I love people from all walks of life, especially those from India, but this guy had a strong Indian accent and like I was terribly afraid like that you guys were not going to follow this guy.
 
 

00:18:31

 
Nick Vonpitt: Yeah.
Ryan Rockwell: And so anyways, to answer your question, dude, all I could do for the next six months was just like go fishing every day. That's all I did. I I didn't have anything in me. I I didn't have anything in me. I mean, I I immediately let go of the sales team. Like my the business broker was like, "No, we can try to go after the this this guy or this guy." And I was like, "I I don't have it in me." because the guy actually became my friend that was buying the company. We were speaking like three times a week at least,
Nick Vonpitt: Sure.
Ryan Rockwell: sometimes five for three months. I had to produce over,200 documents. I had done everything to try to make sure that the team was set up. Don't get me wrong, I was getting benefit at the end. Of course, I was. But I was the whole thing was like, how can I create a win-win for everybody?
 
 

00:19:23

 
Ryan Rockwell: So then like I just felt like a complete a****** because I was like now they're not getting a f****** leader who can do this. They're getting me and I'm not I'm I'm at half mast. I'm at half strength, you know? So I I felt horrible. I felt like I had let the team down and I just didn't have the energy to keep keep it going.
Nick Vonpitt: What what actually kept you going? Because it it obviously you're sitting here today and you know just looking at you and feeling your presence as well. You're completely different human being from a couple years back. But what kept you going? Because that was a complete loss of identity. The fact that you and your business were so closely connected, it was so personal. When that failed, like what would keep you going? What kept you looking up?
Ryan Rockwell: No one's asked no one's ever asked me that question and I don't know if I've even ever thought about it. I think the only thing I can point to is my vision.
 
 

00:20:27

 
Ryan Rockwell: my vision has just been so strong that like that's the only thing that I could hold on to was that I knew in my heart that this is this is I'm going to create this. I don't I it this isn't the way I saw it going down. This isn't how I saw a part of the but I mean good lord we're here. our visions here. There's a gap and we have to go through things often very f****** uncomfortable and painful in order to become the person that accomplishes that vision. And so the reality is is like I'm not special. Do you I mean there's so many entrepreneurs who told me how they've lost seven multiple multiple seven figure deals like just it's a almost a right of passage in the entrepreneurial world. Man, you're going to get f*****.
Nick Vonpitt: 100%.
Ryan Rockwell: You're going to get backstabbed. I I mean I I've got I've got this the tales, the stories. I mean like it's just it's just part of the journey and like I'm I'm still just reaching for like trying to find the beauty in it all.
 
 

00:21:28

 
Ryan Rockwell: Like I wish I could tell you in since July 12th of 2022 when that deal fell through that like I've alchemized everything that I've seen the beauty and I've seen all the benefits and blah blah and I have seen glimpses but like I think the only thing that literally that sits on my desk at all times is my vision. And maybe that's the only thing that made me not quit and check out. I don't know.
Nick Vonpitt: Wow. I think just to to anyone that's listening, you know, one of the one of one of the key elements that that we've brought forth in any of these conversations when you're trying to support and guide men through whatever space that they are in and just helping them see that light and being that lighthouse when they're up against the rocks and they're like, "Oh s***, like where where am I supposed to go?" It's it's that vision. It's just being the torchbearer and saying, "Hey, like there's there's something to look at here. There is something more. There's there's something inside of you." And
 
 

00:22:47

 
Nick Vonpitt: it when when just before you said right of passage, that that popped into my space as well. That gap is a right of passage because there's a complete identity shift from where you are to where that vision is. You have to become the embodiment of said vision. Otherwise, it just can't manifest.
Ryan Rockwell: You know, man, it's it's one of the hardest things in the world. Um, men or women. We coached, of course, both men and women, the modern yoga teacher.
Nick Vonpitt: Yeah.
Ryan Rockwell: And to see so many of them, because that was the first step in the program was to get clear on their vision.
Nick Vonpitt: Yeah. Yeah.
Ryan Rockwell: And to see so many quit as they go through the coaching program that that was probably one of the hardest things about that business is when you would see people actually like they were so they were champions in the beginning and the moment like their Facebook ad didn't f****** get them the numbers they wanted, the moment they launched their signature program and they didn't get a client or something.
 
 

00:23:53

 
Ryan Rockwell: You know, my favorite clients were always the ones who went through the s***, went through divorce, their studio owner partner decided to like they wanted out and they kept moving forward. I remember Karen, I can't remember Karen's last name. Her husband passed away in the middle of the program and she was one of our most successful students. And the thing is is that those students who kept moving forward despite all the challenges, I would sometimes just cry on calls because I was like, I know you're not the same person when when you first started this program. I can see the growth and that made me more excited. Of course, I love the the testimonials. Oh, I got a client. I got five clients. Whatever. But like just the ones that just kept moving forward through the fire, those are
Nick Vonpitt: Yeah.
Ryan Rockwell: the ones that inspired me and were the most beautiful stories in my mind. So
Nick Vonpitt: And
Ryan Rockwell: yeah,
Nick Vonpitt: it's it's that grit.
 
 

00:24:56

 
Nick Vonpitt: It's that level of grit. And you actually can't teach that. It's it's either you or it's not. And most people have never even tried enough to actually scratch that. Like what what's actually underneath the surface? like how how low can I go? How deep can I go? How far can I go? They haven't even given themselves the opportunity to look at that. Um, what has rebuilding your life taught you that winning and that idea of success? Never never could.
Ryan Rockwell: Well, I became a yoga teacher in 2004. Like, and it was only because I was in the mortgage business and I was stressed the f out and whatever reason like yoga came like a mantra like yoga, yoga, yoga. And it's so weird because I had gone through yoga class like 3 years before and I think I only went to the class cuz it was like a hot chick. But I went in and there was the the teacher, he had hemp pants and a tie-dye t-shirt and this was like a meatthead gym.
 
 

00:26:03

 
Ryan Rockwell: And I'm just like, "What the f***?" And he had like seven handouts. I'm like, "Dude, this is an hour class." Like, bro, like I'm just trying to take in your pants. I I can't take these these worksheets in, too. like like it was just so it was a very awkward class. So for me to like literally have this yoga mantra come out of nowhere and then I immediately enrolled in teacher training. Didn't even take another class. I just enrolled
Nick Vonpitt: Wow.
Ryan Rockwell: in teacher training. Yeah, that's different story for a different day. So please remind me the question because I can get a little off track here.
Nick Vonpitt: No. All good. So what has rebuilding your life taught you
Ryan Rockwell: Well,
Nick Vonpitt: that winning never never could? So that success that you were maybe going for that ideal that you were you were punching for the whole time. Maybe that
Ryan Rockwell: sure.
Nick Vonpitt: didn't necessarily take place or become fully realized.
 
 

00:27:03

 
Nick Vonpitt: Um
Ryan Rockwell: Yeah. Yeah. The reason I brought up the whole yoga thing was because if anyone has been involved in the conscious movement at all, like for
Nick Vonpitt: Yeah.
Ryan Rockwell: even for a hot moment, you're taught that you're whole and complete as you are. And everything you've ever want is inside of you. And trying to go after things that are outside of you to feel complete or fill with fill whatever void you will is never going to bring you happiness. And I was like, okay, okay, well, let me figure it out for myself. Let me let me try that on. I want to try that hat on. Let's see if it works. And I tried everything. I did. I tried women. I tried money. I tried, you know, possessions. Uh, you know, approval, whatever you name it. Um, so for all of that fade, like fade picade, all that b******* to just like come down because the thing is is that in my mind I was like, if I make the money, then I'm going to be happy.
 
 

00:28:04

 
Ryan Rockwell: And so if I grow the team, if I, you know, start a movement, I don't think we we we started a movement, but I think we still made a big transformation in people's lives. The point of it is is that like no matter what at the end of the day, like I wasn't cool with me. And so when you strip all those exterior things away and you're only left with your your mind and your heart and that that's where it starts. That's where the work starts, you know. So, I mean, in some ways, I was blessed that it all was taken away from me because the reality is if if if I had closed the deal on Modern Yoga Teacher and I had made the money, I was already starting to get my my nose a little up in the air about who I felt I was. And it would have been even more up in the air. And so, it probably was an incredible blessing that it happened because it humbled the s*** out of me. And I think that it truly just, you know, it's it's it's a part of it's a story and it's more than a story.
 
 

00:29:18

 
Ryan Rockwell: It it's just it was an it was an invitation. It was an invitation to to to live a different life. It really was because the thing is is it stripped away the things that I was falsely standing on. So, you know, it uh and it took a while. It's I mean literally I took a I finally did resell the company. I mean not anywhere near what I was originally selling it for. I basically sold it just for the assets like our email list and our social media presence pennies compared to what I was selling it for originally. And I just took a year off because I I just I needed that time. I needed that time away just for that space. But you know, the thing is what I've realized recently is that take the time, but get back on the f****** horse, man. Don't collapse on the problem. Don't just like identify with the problem. And the I I I it just becomes the I I I I story.
 
 

00:30:23

 
Ryan Rockwell: And the I I I I like energy doesn't feel really f****** good. It doesn't. It's very constrictive. and
Nick Vonpitt: Yeah.
Ryan Rockwell: it's all in your head. And so, you know, it's only been recently within the last like I would say month that I really started to get back to work and I started to realize and cut through these these stories, cut through these samsaras and just start to have clarity about where where I really wanted to go and and how it was going to happen. So, all I can say is take the time away. You know, I think Tony Robbins has like the 90 second, is it 90 seconds or 90 minutes something, whatever, to feel as much anger or whatever unwanted emotion he's feeling and then let it go. So allow yourself to feel that s***, whatever it is. But then get back on the horse because you
Nick Vonpitt: Keep
Ryan Rockwell: just
Nick Vonpitt: moving.
Ryan Rockwell: learn so much by getting into action than you do just
Nick Vonpitt: Yep.
 
 

00:31:21

 
Ryan Rockwell: sitting there and analyzing the situation because it just it just it's like it's like trash. It gets smellier and smellier the longer that you're just sitting with it. So,
Nick Vonpitt: 100%. Um, you've worked with a lot of leaders, entrepreneurs, business owners, people from all walks of life. Um, out of curiosity, particularly within men, where do you think most men go numb or lose themselves in the name of success?
Ryan Rockwell: well, I would say it starts with a a belief, whether they're conscious of it or unconscious of it, and whether they're honest with themselves or not, that I don't feel like I'm enough. And if we're coming from that space, then everything else from there on out is going to be greatly flawed. There still can be beauty. There still can be truth. There still can be incredible moments that you know that happen for us and for others. But if there is a fundamental belief down deep that I am not enough, then we will create situations that will will create a life that will show us that
 
 

00:32:47

 
Nick Vonpitt: 100%. It It is so funny that you brought that up today. Um I I had a session earlier this week with a client and that that's one of the beliefs that he's currently struggling struggling with. So from from the data that I've I've looked at over over the last couple of months particularly the the firstborn men struggle with that as a whole like not being enough because they have to be the caretakers. Their happiness is dependent on the their collective family being happy which ends up eventually being their business and their family within their business and making sure that everyone's taken care of. So they become the caretaker but they stuck in this aloneeness and they don't know you know how to switch off how to be with themselves. They also don't know where do they stop like where is the finish line? Where do I get to say at I've completed this task or I'm I'm I'm at a point where I can rest. There's always there's always another milestone. There's always another thing that they have to strive towards.
 
 

00:33:54

 
Nick Vonpitt: And the question that I posed to him and I'm going to just leave this for the listeners here is well when is enough enough? What would enough look like? If you had to define enough and you can define it in terms of a monetary value in in terms of what your relationship would look like, what would your life look like? When is enough enough? When would you be able to stop and be at peace with yourself? And funny enough, most people can't give a clear number. They'll sit there and they'll give a number and after that, oh, that's not enough because I I I'd need this then. And it would continue. And you can stretch that. And then it comes back to what you said and that that piece of wisdom which is finding that with inside of yourself knowing that you are enough innately just by being who and what you are. No external validation will give you that. It's a very difficult mechanic and pattern or belief system to break even if you are aware because it's so deeply ingrained from childhood.
 
 

00:34:53

 
Nick Vonpitt: Um thank you for sharing that. That's absolutely incredible. Um, there's another one. How is your relationship with masculinity as a whole evolved
Ryan Rockwell: Thank
Nick Vonpitt: through this
Ryan Rockwell: God.
Nick Vonpitt: journey?
Ryan Rockwell: I thought you say, "How's your your relationship with your mother?" I was like, "Oh, f***.
Nick Vonpitt: No, no, we weren't going to go there. Just we we were we were just going to keep it keep it PG today. So, in terms of just just masculinity as a whole, um what what do you feel that you've maybe reclaimed with with inside of yourself after this reckoning, after all this chaos, after this this collapse of the previous version of of Ryan?
Ryan Rockwell: Um I I mean I have to I I can't I can't honor this this uh answer without kind of sharing where I started. I mean like uh my mom is uh she she plays the victim in life. So I guess I am going to talk about my relationship with my mom. She she plays the the victim in life.
 
 

00:35:56

 
Ryan Rockwell: She's she
Nick Vonpitt: Yeah.
Ryan Rockwell: doesn't take responsibility. It's really hard for her. And um very very feminine woman. And then I had my father who was just uh green beret special forces Vietnam like army through and through. Like the dude was going on missions even when he was 66 years old with 19year-olds. like he grew up his dream was to be a soldier like just just a different type of man. So I had this like very feminine very very feminine almost like helpless and then I had this like overbearing like powerful on the other side and uh and I and I feel that inside of me often. Um and I and I What what became very clear for me as I grew up, especially when I was in college because I I was around men. I was in a fraternity. We were off we were a weightlifting club that turned into an off-campus fraternity. You can imagine the caliber of meattheads that I was hanging out with. My my best friend was 6'4 288 like basically
 
 

00:37:08

 
Nick Vonpitt: Wow.
Ryan Rockwell: like 135 140 kilos. Like the dude was just f****** jacked. He had veins the size of my index finger going through his biceps. His his thighs were 33 inches around like the size of my waist. I mean, anyways, I just but there was always this feminine side. There was there was a masculine side, but there was always this feminine side. And I kept f****** going after the masculine. I thought the guy that drank the most beer, I thought the guy that part that that screwed the most chicks that could party all night, that was the winner. I mean I mean that's I'm talking about like when I'm in high school or college and that's what I was trying to embody and it wasn't me. So many f****** men out there, they're embodying things that aren't them and they're not honoring that that side of them that like maybe that feminine voice that wants to come out, that needs to talk about their feelings, that needs to talk about what's coming up for them in their heart.
 
 

00:38:07

 
Ryan Rockwell: And like I didn't feel like I had that. I felt suffocated. So I literally turned in my letters my senior year because I just felt this feminine side that needed to come out and it didn't feel like I was supported in that environment. And it still felt uncomfortable for many many many years for that for that to come out. And it wasn't until I got into yoga where that felt like I could have that self-expression. And then, you know, I'm around women primarily because I'm in the yoga space. And that actually for me, I needed that. I didn't I I got picked on in high school. Like I got picked on by football players like they were a year above me. like they f****** haze the s*** out of me. So in some ways that was my idea of masculinity like so like these so now like even to this day I still have resistance to like going to like a bar and watching football and drinking beer because I think about these f****** dudes that used to like you know haze me so to speak.
 
 

00:39:07

 
Ryan Rockwell: And uh so like I I can see why I I I jumped into yoga in this and this feminine side because it felt safe.
Nick Vonpitt: Yeah.
Ryan Rockwell: So for many years like that that's that was my safe space. And so as I started my business and I started to put myself out there more in the world and I started to trust myself like I started to say you know what guys I want to work with more men than I want to work with women. And that wasn't exactly a popular opinion amongst, you know, everybody within modern yoga teacher, but that was just what my truth was. I wanted to work with more men. And the more that I got out of like was open and getting out into life and like not hiding away from the world, which I did for many years. I worked from home. Like I' I've worked from home. A lot of men work from f****** home. And we got to get out and we got to stop being f****** l lone wolves.
 
 

00:39:59

 
Ryan Rockwell: Like I've been a lone wolf for a long time. and we need to f****** roll in wolfpacks, man. We We need men.
Nick Vonpitt: 100%.
Ryan Rockwell: We more than f****** ever. And I started to feel that. I started to crave that in terms of being around other men. And I was lucky enough to have a business coach, um, guy named Joe Stoalty, incredible, incredible dude. And he ran a men's mastermind. And I remember back in 2022, and that felt so f****** therapeutic. I mean, I always joke that masterminds are my love languages, like are my love language because like I just love being around other badass entrepreneurs who are incred like accomplishing incredible things and want to come up with ideas of how to grow themselves personally and professionally, like that's that's where I get down. So, like the more that I continue to hang out with men and the more that I just, you know, allowed that to flow, like now I'm at a point now where that's all I want to do is work with men.
 
 

00:40:58

 
Ryan Rockwell: You know, I just I feel that there's so much need in the world for men to f****** come together and just literally celebrate the masculine because in some ways the masculine's been on a f****** cross for a few years. And and I and I I totally get it and I'm not fighting it. I'm just saying like I just see that men are hurting because they don't have other men and a lot of them don't have the f****** balls to say like I'm hurting and a lot of other men that hear that don't have the balls to f****** say it's okay because they're hurting too and they don't want to admit it. And so like I just feel this incredible amount of like love and energy and just a vibrational frequency to work with men that want to accomplish incredible things that want to bring the greatest version of themselves, the highest version of themselves. They want to be family men. They want to be the f******, you know, founder, the CEO. They want to show up and they want to do it from a place of truth and awareness and and au authenticity.
 
 

00:42:10

 
Ryan Rockwell: I know that f****** word authentic is thrown around so much these days. You know what it should because it's f****** amazing. And so I hopefully I'm answering your question. The thing is like I
Nick Vonpitt: Yeah.
Ryan Rockwell: just felt
Nick Vonpitt: Yeah.
Ryan Rockwell: that, you know, over the years that I just needed to honor that that masculine. I needed to honor the feminine. So, it's like, you know, I was all masculine, then I went all the way other side, and then I've been finding my way to the to the to the middle. But I I truly see that it's it's it's incredibly important for me not just to hang out with men, but men that can be honest with themselves, men that can really look in the in the mirror and answer some very hard questions. And I I I just I the thought of men and being in in these wolf packs now. Of course, now I'm thinking of f****** hangover going through the desert and with hookers and cocaine. Anyways, um you know what?
 
 

00:43:21

 
Ryan Rockwell: I I do. I just I think there's something really really beautiful about men coming together and supporting one another. And uh it ain't about crying. It's just literally about like being vulnerable, being truthful, and just having fun, man. And just just being with men.
Nick Vonpitt: I think another way to also verbalize what you're saying there is I what I find is men they don't necessarily want you to break into that aloneeness because that that's a very peaceful space. But to know that there are other men in their vicinity in their aloneeness and they get to share that in their own way and be like, "Oh man, I see you. Hey man, I see you." Like,
Ryan Rockwell: Yeah.
Nick Vonpitt: "Yeah, I know." And I I get it. But sometimes you don't even you can just nod ahead, make some eye contact, and it's like, "I get it."
Ryan Rockwell: Yeah.
Nick Vonpitt: And just just having that there's just some some it's like a soulwarming hug just by having that recognition and sharing that it's it it's it's a wordless connection.
 
 

00:44:30

 
Nick Vonpitt: It's just a feeling. It's it's so it's such a deep space. Um, for the younger men listening, Ryan, um, those those men that find themselves on edge or uncertain or overwhelmed, what would you say to the version of you who was maybe still in in the chaos?
Ryan Rockwell: Man, I was so stumber. I don't know if I would have listened. I mean like I I would love to be inspirational in this moment and and and give you something that just you know goes viral but the reality is man is like I I think that I think first you have to trust yourself that what you're going through is exactly what you need to go through that you know it it really it is perfect. It never is perfect in the moment. And it's only in hindsight we're like, "Oh yeah, I can see why that happened and that happened and that happened." And you know, when you're in the s***, it can get uh can be pretty tough, you know, especially for for someone that has maybe experienced up and downs their whole life.
 
 

00:46:01

 
Ryan Rockwell: But all I can say is that like you've got to hold and believe that vision that you have. And you have to believe that what you're going through right now is exactly what you need to go through in order to accomplish that vision. I mean, I you know, there's there's always get support, but I I just the only thing I can point to is just this belief because it always everything comes down to a belief, you know, like you have to believe in yourself. You have to believe in what it is that you're doing. And and I I I don't want to over complicate this this message right now. Life can be really tough. Life can bring you down to your knees. And for those of you that are on your knees right now, you're not alone. You're not alone. And continue to to keep putting one foot in front of the other and and and try to get out and not be by yourself. Cuz that being by yourself all the time, there's a time and a place when you need to go and and and go in your cave.
 
 

00:47:32

 
Ryan Rockwell: for sure. But there's a time when you need to also be willing to ask for help. And so I I I guess if I was to say anything is just continue to believe in yourself, continue to believe in your vision, and if if you need it, ask for help. Most men do, man. It's why most of us like that's why most of the most successful people in this world like they have coaches. Coaches or whatever you want to you know for a title but when you need it ask for support. Don't don't be too proud. Be willing to ask for support when you need it.
Nick Vonpitt: Thank you for showing that. I think just just reflecting on the amount of courage it takes just to raise your hand and say like I need support or I I'm willing to change. I I'm willing to take ownership and accountability. I'm I'm willing to not play the victim. I'm willing to take responsibility for my side of the story.
Ryan Rockwell: Yeah, man.
 
 

00:48:54

 
Ryan Rockwell: It's very easy to to I'm going through a program on trauma right now just to try to understand things about myself and I you know I just I'll repeat the quote from JK Rowling. Blaming your parents for your life has an expiration date. You have to take responsibility for your life. You know, you have to absolutely take responsibility for your life. And if you find yourself in a world of s***, take responsibility for that and realize that you can also change you can change that experience. So, um, David Gogggins popping into my head right now. You can't hurt me, Dad.
Nick Vonpitt: Burn burn the boats. Got to
Ryan Rockwell: Burn
Nick Vonpitt: burn the
Ryan Rockwell: the
Nick Vonpitt: boats.
Ryan Rockwell: B screen.
Nick Vonpitt: Ah, Ryan. Um, thank you. Thank you. No, maybe it's a bit more of a a somber ending, but I it that felt weighted and it felt it felt like it was the presence and the message that should be lingering on in men's heads and hearts or anyone that's actually listening to this today.
 
 

00:50:11

 
Nick Vonpitt: Um, genuinely thank you for thank you for your time. Thank you for your presence. Thank you
Ryan Rockwell: Honorable.
Nick Vonpitt: for sharing parts of your journey and yourself. um in such a open and we're going to use the word authentic way because I can't find anything better right now to to sub vulnerable. Yes, vulnerability. Um thank you. Thank you for for opening up and um giving us a glimpse of an incredible life that that you've lived and you still get to live. Um for anyone that that's been listening, if someone wants to reach out and uh connect to you, um firstly, what are you busy doing right now and where can they find you?
Ryan Rockwell: Yeah. So I, you know, in the same sense of like rebuilding, that's that's absolutely still in some ways my experience. But the thing is is that what I've decided to do is fuel it into a podcast that I'll be launching called Burnout Alchemy. how your burnout is actually an invitation to a greater life, to the greatest learning lesson of your life.
 
 

00:51:30

 
Ryan Rockwell: And so, it's really important for me to help men, primarily men, but of course, I'm open to helping women as well, but I really want to speak to men about like that feeling of I'm not enough. And it can get dressed up in so many f****** different ways, man. And there's many different routes to burn out for sure. Um, but at the heart of it, I I really want to to help people to get to that feeling, men to get to that feeling like they are enough to eventually start doing retreats. So, uh, be on the lookout for a podcast called Bornout Alchemy. In the meantime, I've teamed up with my former business coach, Joe Stolty, to help him grow Prime AI. Prime is I mean, we all know AI is is the present, the future, and everything else, you know, it's just it's it's coming. It's here. It's just such an important presence in in business and in our lives. And so, I I'll just say this very quickly. In 1997, I was in college and I was walking through the row of computers in the computer lab and I'm like, "f*** these things, man."
 
 

00:52:46

 
Ryan Rockwell: And then I remember somebody like five years later gave me a card that said Google on it. I'm like, "What the Google?" Threw it in the trash. And I I let that computer and internet age really pass me by. I didn't really get in fully until 2015 when I started Modern Yoga Teacher. But I always told myself if there was another big wave that came around, I was going to stay in front of it. And that's why I partnered with my uh former business coach um to to stay in front of the AI movement. And so really, we we help entrepreneurs that that want to feel like they're in control of what's going on and utilize AI in every capacity. Now, please, my heart beats for, you know, helping men through burnout, but for right now, I'm I'm growing this business through through Prime Live. So, my email, if there's any interest, is ryanprimelive.ai.
Nick Vonpitt: Amazing.
Ryan Rockwell: And then, um, again, just be on the lookout for my Burnout Alchemy podcast coming soon.
Nick Vonpitt: Thank you, Ryan. Thank you. Thank you for your time. And um yeah, if today's conversation stirred something in you, if you're feeling the weight of high achievement without the depth of true fulfillment, then this is your call to go deeper. You don't have to navigate it alone. And I think that's been the theme that's been reiterated time and time again throughout this conversation. So feel free to check out our links in bio or head over to unccmp.com whether it's one-on-one mentorship um our uncommon school for men or one of our free tools like the masculine scorecard pressure test and the soontobe released nice guy test. We've created spaces for men like you to reconnect with what matters. Thanks for being here.