The Uncommon Man Project

EP22: Break Free from Indecision: Transform Your Life with This Proven Method

• Episode 22

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In Episode 22 of the Uncommon Man Project Podcast, hosts Harry Orr and Nick Vonpitt tackle one of the most paralyzing challenges faced by high-performing men: indecision. They explore how decision-making fatigue and overthinking lead to burnout and stagnation, while offering a structured system—The Decision Matrix—to overcome these barriers. Drawing from personal experiences and coaching hundreds of leaders, they introduce actionable strategies to reclaim clarity, confidence, and control over decisions in both personal and professional spheres. Tune in to discover how this method can unlock your potential and drive alignment with your values and goals.

Tools or Takeaways for Listeners:

  1. The Decision Matrix Framework:
    • A five-step process to eliminate guesswork in decision-making:
      1. Define Your Decision Objective: Get specific about the ideal outcome you’re seeking.
      2. Establish Criteria: Identify factors important to the decision (e.g., profitability, time commitments, alignment with values).
      3. Assign Weights to Criteria: Use a 1-10 scale to prioritize what matters most.
      4. Score Each Option: Objectively evaluate how well each choice meets the criteria.
      5. Calculate Weighted Scores: Add scores to identify the best choice, aligning logic with intuition.
  2. Overcome Indecision with Confidence:
    • Indecision erodes self-trust. Every choice you make, even imperfect ones, strengthens your confidence. Avoid outsourcing your power; instead, trust your instincts and the decision-making process.
  3. Combat Decision Fatigue:
    • Automate or delegate minor, repetitive decisions to save mental energy for impactful choices. Create systems (e.g., weekly meal planning or pre-set work attire) to reduce trivial daily decisions and focus on what truly matters.

What was your biggest takeaway?

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Transcript

Harry Orr: Welcome back, legends, to another episode of the Uncommon Man podcast, where we're helping you to install three critical systems to help you create precision, purpose, and power in your life. And one of these systems is the precision blueprint, which helps you to build and live with a clear vision, saving you up to 10 hours a week I should say at least 10 hours a week, locking in laser focus.  Today we're diving into something that may be silently stressing you out as a business owner, as a high performer, as a leader, decision-m. When we get stuck in overthinking, even outsourcing our decisions. We end up giving away our power. So to help you break this cycle and become more decisive, we're going to explore a powerful tool for making empowered choices and how to trust yourself making them. So welcome, Nick.

Harry Orr: Mate, as someone who's coached hundreds of high performing men in your time, what would you say are some of the biggest obstacles that guys face when it comes to decision-m

Nick Vonpitt: I think it's really easy to get bogged down when you are so used to carrying this massive weight of just expectation and…

Nick Vonpitt: a certain ideal level of performance And I found it personally, I've seen it time and time again. Gets to a point where you're so dissociated from everything that you need to do that it's really difficult to make a gut or viscerally supported decision in your system.

Nick Vonpitt: And it's a dance between obviously if you have a family or you're running a business or there's certain career opportunities or it's a thing of your stuck in a position where there's just so many different asks of you and it's like How do I start with this if I don't even feel like I'm able to make a decision for myself let alone for everything else at this moment in time. I find that that's normally the seessaw the fulcrum where people are tilting either to the one side where I just want to switch off and do nothing or on the other side where they've able to make a decision then it cascades into the next one and the next one and the next one because they're feeling really clear and in alignment with themselves.

Harry Orr: What do you think most guys struggle in kind of getting to that point…

Nick Vonpitt: 

Harry Orr: where they can make a decision confidently?

Nick Vonpitt: I think there's a lot of different factors with the decision-m process,…

Nick Vonpitt: but I find that two of the main ones that stick out is either these guys are really fatigued and they are burnt out. So to expect someone when they're not functioning at 100% to make a really good decision. I don't know about you, but when I am lacking sleep, I'm not the best person in any area of my life. it's difficult just to show up and be consistent and be clear and be mindful. what the Gen Z say now demure.

Nick Vonpitt: 

Nick Vonpitt: So I would say looking at that as a baseline what is the quality of your sleep and Are you taking breaks? when those things are out of alignment and you don't have that base it is really difficult to make a good decision. And then the second point would be decision fatigue. if you're having to make well over 20 30 40 decisions a day.

Nick Vonpitt: there's a general deterioration in the quality of your decision-m because you're having to think for other people and that's then a question around processes and boundaries that then comes up

Harry Orr: Yeah, 100%.

Harry Orr: I can definitely relate to that. I know I've been in places before where I've had just this stressful day. Obviously coaching there's a lot of stuff that you don't see coming up.  So there's a lot of being present. There's a lot of mental bandwidth required for that. Plus with crime or running a business, there's so much like decision-m, being the only person in that you got to do a lot of stuff yourself. And then it gets to the end of the day. And on the odd occasion that, we don't have something in the fridge pre-organized for dinner, lives what do you want for dinner?" And trying to decide what I want for dinner after I've had a day like a hectic, stressful day like that is the last freaking thing that I want to have to think about. And I don't f****** care.

Nick Vonpitt: Yeah. Oops.

Harry Orr: you decide…

Harry Orr: whatever you want, We can have it. I don't know. What do you want? And then you go back and forth and you just like, god. And end up settling on takeaway or something like that. But it's like, we won't even go into the masculine and feminine in that kind of situation. But little things like that can be so easily avoided. I found at least anyway. those decisions that you're going to have to make. you're going to have to eat something for dinner during the day.  you're going to have to wear something. There's these things that are going to have to happen every single day. And so for me at least anyway, I know if I can decide all those things the week before in planning those meals in cool, I know if I do this, I know what I have to wear it. It's one less thing I have to worry about.


00:05:00

Nick Vonpitt: Exactly.

Harry Orr: 

Harry Orr: And so like you said, the more of those that at least I find that I can reduce, then the more capacity for some of those bigger decisions that I've got because I haven't had that fatigue of deciding trivial s*** that doesn't really matter, right? And so the next piece of the decision-m kind of complex, if we call it where I've seen a lot of people get stuck and I know I get personally is the effect of indecision, It's I don't know what to decide, so I'm just going to not decide right now. I'm just going to avoid it. I'm going to kind of leave this for later or…

Nick Vonpitt: 

Harry Orr: procrastinate about making it. How do you think that that affects people's their own selfrust and their own confidence in themselves?

Nick Vonpitt: …

Nick Vonpitt: if we look at just the actual practice and the mechanic of decision- making, every single decision that you make is essentially you instilling a vote of confidence with inside yourself. And you're basically saying, I can do this. I'm capable of this. So your confidence does this every time you make a decision. Even if it isn't the best decision, but it's the best decision that you can make at the time, but in retrospect it wasn't. You're still building confidence within yourself because you're decisive. And I can tell you now, your life is probably moving because of the weight behind your decision-m process. But when you are unable to make a decision and you are stuck in indecision, think about it. You're not trusting yourself.

Nick Vonpitt: you're probably either preconditioned or you stuck in a self-sabotaging pattern where you're outsourcing your power all the time where you are waiting for someone to either make the call for you because you don't want to take accountability, ownership in any way, shape or form for the outcome or the lack thereof when you do make a decision.  And you're also not very clear on yourself. So then the next question is, Do you understand yourself? Are you able to differentiate between what you're thinking logically and what you're feeling viscerally within your system?

Nick Vonpitt: having a gut check in place and that I find that whenever this conversation arises especially during coaching sessions it is a question of do you actually trust yourself and then do you know yourself enough to trust yourself

Harry Orr: Which takes a hell of a lot of time and actual work to get to that point, From my experience, I know cuz how many times, especially, business owners, people in sales, stuff like that, how many times have people heard, I just need to think about it,  and assuming that more time will help them to make a better decision when in reality the only reasons that you should be putting off a decision are one if you don't have the adequate information to make that decision and you are actively seeking the information to clarify that optimal decision or like you originally said if you've just had a horrible night's sleep you're already decision fatigued and you're going to delay this decision till tomorrow morning when you've had a restful night's sleep you've got a clear head you've

Harry Orr: done all that kind of stuff and you're in a much better frame to make a decision.

Nick Vonpitt: 

Harry Orr: Have I missed anything? Are there any other times where it would be acceptable to delay a decision being made? Do you think of magnitude? Of course.

Nick Vonpitt: I think each person will say has a process to be honest with you.

Nick Vonpitt: So taking into account human design which I'm not going to go down that rabbit hole today but essentially some people I'm sure we can do it in 14 minutes.

Harry Orr: We've got 14 minutes? Surely you can wrap it up in that much, bro.

Nick Vonpitt: just explain a lifetime's worth of work of some other dude. no. So, essentially every person interprets and synthesizes information differently and some people are able to make a decision on the fly. there's a very clear whisper.

Nick Vonpitt: in human design you call it the one has a spleenic response essentially. So your spleen is kind of like your intuition in the way in the terminology of human design. And people that have that as their u intuitive gut check system it's instant. So for one that's how my system works. So if I am tuned in tapped in I don't have to wait and sit for a day or two or three.  I can feel it immediately if it's a hell yes or a hell no and I can move. for some other people it takes a little bit of time and this is a thing where you need to obviously know yourself.


00:10:00

Nick Vonpitt: You don't necessarily need to know human design, but some people you have met. I'm pretty sure everyone listening here has met, people that can either do decisions on the fly or they need to take a day or two and that's fine depending on the magnitude of the decision.  But does that then discount the need for being rested, for having maybe a process like we're going to run through now or just being in a clear state of mind and knowing yourself? No, it doesn't alleviate you from that responsibility. So you might take a little bit longer and that's fine.

Nick Vonpitt: 

Nick Vonpitt: And if that is the case and yourself then take a little bit of time to design the systems to mitigate the amount of decisions that you have to make on the fly…

Harry Orr: 

Nick Vonpitt: if it takes you a little bit longer and maybe have a process or a framework that can support you in your general decision-m process.

Harry Orr: Yeah. And I think this is…

Harry Orr: where this process will be super helpful because I don't know about other people but often if I sit on a decision too long without seeking more information the reasons or justifications that I will come up with for making a decision either way will be based on an emotion and will be biases towards that emotion right to make a decision in that favor which isn't a great way to make logical decisions either So, we can easily get stuck in that space, too. So, now I want to run through this tool, I think this is freaking awesome. you introduced me to this.

Harry Orr: So, I want you to take the lead on this cuz I think this is super valuable for helping guys to especially business owners and high performing guys that are very logic driven that to have a process to be able to cut out the crap, distinguish between those emotional biases and actual I guess logic in getting to…

Nick Vonpitt: 

Harry Orr: where they want to go both in their personal life and in business as well. So, how do we start? We've got a decision to make. What's the first thing we need to do?

Nick Vonpitt: Okay, great.

Nick Vonpitt: So, you got to give it a title, Harry. You can't just jump in there. You always have to give this a title. This is the decision matrix.

Harry Orr: Yeah.

Harry Orr: What are we going to call this thing? The matrix.

Nick Vonpitt: The matrix. so the idea of this tool is to just help you take out the guesswork when you are making decisions and just replace it with a structure. So it's a system. It gives you clarity. It allows you to weigh up the different options objectively and then letting you also tune into what feels most aligned with your long-term goals and your value system.

Nick Vonpitt: 

Nick Vonpitt: So I'm going to start off with the first bit and then we can alternate as we move through. So the first one is obviously defining your decision objective. So let's say now you recognize that something's come up in your space. You're needing to make a decision. So starting by getting clear on the outcome that you desire. So are you choosing a different business project? Are you trying to decide the best way to support your kids?

Nick Vonpitt: Get really specific on the ideal outcome that you'd like.

Harry Orr: And then from there I guess we need to figure out step number two is…

Harry Orr: what is the criteria for this decision. So what's important in making this decision like in business that might be profitability or it might be growth potential or it might be alignment to the core values. If it's in a personal or a family sense, it might be like time commitments, family alignment, ease, things like that. a bit of a side note as well. If you're making a big business decision that, takes you away from your family, maybe run that one by the MS or the partner first so you don't extrapolate yourself from the family for hours on end on a week and…

Nick Vonpitt: 

Harry Orr: they're like, "Where are you? We miss you." And you're like, " but I'm doing this for you guys." And they're like, "Yeah, but we love you and need you, too." Right?  So, not a great way to make that decision on your own. Figure out what that criteria is and in how it affects the important people around you as well, Because having their viewpoint can be very helpful also in getting out of that emotional bias that we all get stuck in at times.


00:15:00

Nick Vonpitt: Okay.

Nick Vonpitt: And that's a really good point. So then it moves you to step number three which is essentially assigning weights for each criterion. So not every factor is going to be equal in this process. So you might have a general focus and bias around the financial weight behind your business decisions.

Nick Vonpitt: 

Nick Vonpitt: while your family may have a different level of priority around personal decision. So assigning a weight for each factor. So let's say just using a scale from 1 to 10, one being not critical at all, five being the most critical. And you would then assign it to each one of these,…

Nick Vonpitt: options that are available to you.

Harry Orr: I love that.

Harry Orr: I love a good scoring system. And now that we've got a score for each of those, we have to compare one to the other. So, this is where you rate how well each option fits each factor. So, it's going to force you to look at things objectively rather than getting lost in the whatifs. So now that you've got this little scoring complex and keep in mind all of this is a learning curve for you personally as So the first time you go through this and rate some of these things you might think I underrated this overrated this and whatever. The more you use the system the more you can refine it and the better ultimately you get at using the system and consequently making decisions as well.

Nick Vonpitt: 

Harry Orr: Right? So now that we've scored each one, we've pinned each one against each other.  What's the final step here?

Nick Vonpitt: So the last one is you're going to end up calculating those weighted scores and…

Nick Vonpitt: essentially make your decision. So finally, you're going to multiply the score with the weight of each criterion and then add these up. So the options with the highest total score is objectively the best choice set of choices available to you. But here's where the nuance comes in. you've got to sit with yourself. So, as a bonus step, I would highly invite you to either before you've ventured into this process, you give yourself 5 10 minutes where you're quiet, where you're undisturbed, where you can be very much with yourself, especially if there's a list of things that you need to, consider.

Nick Vonpitt: 

Nick Vonpitt: And then when you get to the end of this process, because you're a lot more aligned and tuned in to yourself, you can then feel which one feels like the best choice as well as looking at the logic behind the decision that you're going to be making. So you've then ticked both of those boxes where you're not just a robot that's made a decision. You're like, " this one actually feels like the right decision." And maybe there was a diff difference of two points between option A and option B, but you went for option B.

Nick Vonpitt: Amazing. That felt like the better decision. So that can obviously, create the difference and make up the difference between some of the scores that are very close to one another.

Harry Orr: 100%.

Harry Orr: And naturally in doing that, some people, especially if you're in more of the overthinking camp I generally sit, then you're going to come up with, but this or what if that?  And I'm sure everybody's looked back in decisions in the past and think, " you freaking idiot. You should have done this. Why didn't you do that?" I love this term that one of our old coaches, used to frame for this exact situation. And he called it chronological snobbery, which is looking back on an event, basically degrading yourself, thinking, "What an idiot for making that decision because you now have new information." Right?  If you had the information you have now when you were making that decision, logic says you wouldn't have made the decision. So, it's a lot easier with that new information. But there's a couple of frames that have really helped me in getting over that fear of failure.

Harry Orr: And one of them has been I guess because one of the reasons we have fear of failure is that if I fail then I am not good enough that I am not worthy that business my product is no good my service is no good that I am like this thing and so if my actions do that then that's a reflection of me right but the separation like huge on ownership we're not passing the buck here at all but being able to separate the action  from the self. So if that action doesn't get the result that I wanted, even though I implemented that action, it's not that I am not good enough, that action was not good enough for that result that I wanted. And so my implementation of that action is what I'm then going to change. And so that might seem nuance, it might seem like delusion, whatever.


00:20:00

Harry Orr: But that has allowed me at least anyway to separate that so I don't take things so personally and it's looking at things from a point of improvement rather than self-depregation and…

Nick Vonpitt: 

Harry Orr: bring myself down like you f** idiot and that. It's cool this action was not good enough for that thing. How do we do it better next time to achieve this or how do we learn from this? Right? That's been massing for me.

Nick Vonpitt: Exactly. No,…

Nick Vonpitt: and I think even just following through with that process there's also then the other parts that may come up in your space when you are maybe going through this process is you may be used to really bouncing ideas off of people.

Nick Vonpitt: Normally, high performers really appreciate input from other people, which is great to a point, but if that is your go-to all the time, again, it comes back to what we touched on a little bit earlier, which was the trust component. So, now you've got a structure where you can lean into yourself and especially if you are a leader, you're taking the lead. you've taken in information from other people. You've sat with yourself. You've distilled it down. You've got your structure.  And then you can make an empowered decision by yourself and own that. And one of the things that I personally struggle with which I think that your practice would work amazingly well for is also just perfectionism. every decision that you make doesn't have to be perfect. every action that you take isn't going to end up with the ideal outcome. Things are going to happen. how is none of your business.

Nick Vonpitt: 

Nick Vonpitt: If you're intentional, if you're tuned in, if you're trusting yourself and trusting the process after you have actioned that decision,…

Nick Vonpitt: just allow things to move and trust that it's going to turn out in the best way possible.

Harry Orr: But making that decision even…

Harry Orr: though it may not end in the ideal outcome that you want at this point may open another door that you don't even see another option that you don't even see on the table right now which is that next idea ideal but you can't see it right now because you don't have the information or the decision or the experience to be able to access it yet.  So at the end of the day guys, the goal of this matrix is to help you reclaim your confidence so you can stop letting indecision hold you back. So with the decision matrix, you can take control, trust your choices, and be able to move forward with certainty and clarity. Just but remember, every action is a powerful vote for your vision, for your confidence, so that you can get better at using the matrix, at trusting yourself as well.

Nick Vonpitt: 

Harry Orr: So this tool is going to be available in the show notes below or reach out to us on any of the social media platforms that you have us so that we can give you access to that and start using this for yourself. Any closing thoughts, Nick?

Nick Vonpitt: Yeah, just when you do use a tool like this or…

Nick Vonpitt: if you're giving this a go and hopefully you are refine it to your needs. So, this could be something where you might have a little notebook, and you might have a couple of basic decisions and let's say you're sitting on a Sunday and you're trying to plan your week and you've got this massive to-do list. This can be part of that process. And it doesn't need to be massive. It can just be short and sweet. You can sit there, take a couple of notes. H this actually feels like this is weighted a lot more. This feels like the right decision.

Nick Vonpitt: test it out at the start of your week and just notice the difference between having a clear set of decisions versus, flailing at the wayside and wondering and pondering and getting stuck in your head. 

Decision fatigue is something that needs to be accounted for. So if you're making more than six decisions on a day-to-day basis, then it's a question about systems and outsourcing. learn to prioritize what needs a decision and the things that are needing to be automated. Maybe there might be A option or…

Nick Vonpitt: a B alternative. depending on the situation. And there's a lot of things that can fall into that category.

Harry Orr: Yeah, 100%,…

Harry Orr: So, I think especially if you're in the position of owning a business, having a team around you, being able to use some of those people to make some of those decisions which don't need to be made specifically by you or just by you can take a huge load off that as well.  Also knowing your own personal history of when do you make the best decisions. Is it first thing in the morning after a great night's sleep and you've just had your coffee before you've opened emails and you're responsive to anything else in the day? Personally, that's a great time for me to do anything that I need a clear levelheaded brain for so that I'm not influenced and reactive to the day and to the life. So guys, thanks for tuning in. Let's wrap it up there.


00:25:00

Harry Orr: Remember, clarity and confidence in your choices isn't a skill that some people are born with and not everyone else is. They're habits and traits that you can build that you can learn yourself. If you use this matrix, if you stick to it, if you work on it, use it to your advantage cuz that's what it's there for. So, if you're feeling empowered, if this was helpful, please share this with someone that has a few big decisions to make or any other business owners someone that could use a boost in their decision-m confidence as well.  So guys, see you next time as we dive deeper into more strategies that can help you take cut through the noise, and live life on your own terms. And until then, stay strong, stay focused, and trust your gut. Bye.