The Uncommon Man Project

EP21: Stress, Success, and the Male Mindset: Reclaiming Control and Consistency

• Episode 21

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In this episode, the team tackles “The Hidden Stresses of High-Performing Men.” From the subtle signs of chronic stress that creep into relationships and health to the mental traps that hinder progress, Joshua, Harry, and Nick provide a hard-hitting look at what’s really holding high achievers back. With stories from their coaching experience, they highlight how acute, episodic, and chronic stress manifests and practical steps to get back in control. Plus, the team shares the ultimate low-effort strategies for better sleep, clarity, and nervous system health—changes that make success sustainable. This isn’t just another chat; it’s a powerful conversation that could change your life. Dive into the Uncommon Man Project and start unlocking your potential.

3 Takeaway Tools for Listeners:

  1. Precision Blueprint System – This system helps you define a crystal-clear vision for your life, keeping you laser-focused on what truly matters, giving back at least 10 hours weekly.
  2. Sleep & Nervous System Reset – Learn how to establish consistent, effortless routines that significantly improve energy, focus, and stress resilience by transforming your sleep and nervous system health.
  3. Stress Assessment Framework – Understand the three types of stress and identify hidden stressors. This tool provides clarity on the sources of chronic stress, enabling you to take action for better health, relationships, and productivity.

Join the Uncommon Man community today! Whether you’re ready to step up your game through our coaching programs or want free resources to start making changes, our community is here to support you. Join our High-Performance Men group, get tagged in the foundational training, and access tools to unlock a life of clarity, strength, and impact. Links to our programs and group are in the podcast description – start your journey with us!

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welcome back legends to another Uncommon Man podcast where we help guys install 3 systems one of them which is the precision blue plate print where we help our guys create and live a clear vision for their life installing our system which gives our men back a minimum of 10 hours of time per week while being laser focused on what they want and given them unlimited discipline and consistency to get it all while experiencing physical vitality feeling strong radiant and energized excited for this podcast guys unveiling the hidden stresses in high performing men and what you need to keep an eye on as a high performer that you may not be aware of and Harry I'm gonna throw this straight over to you mate is you've coached hundreds of men and lots of dudes in a range of of careers in a range of business in a range of life experiences and times in their life as well what are some of the signs for the high performers that they maybe unaware of that are actually signs that they have a high level of stress in their life I think some of the most common for people especially people that don't really associate with the labels of stress or burnt out or overwhelmed cause they're like no that's not me that's a weakness and just like hammer down and go even harder one of the most common is probably being reactive all the time you know getting triggered easily sometimes it's at work when you get you know you work with that incompetent either employee or uh vendor or you get home get easily frustrated or angry or irritable with the kids with the partner over things that don't really matter like you're always sitting at that simmering level of we would call it stress but irritability might be another word some people kind of identify with like it takes you all of point one of a second to go from zero to 100 and if you have trouble switching off like if you'd have trouble being present in what you're doing and obviously that affects you at work and then you come home and you're still thinking about work and then that either bleeds into trying to go to sleep so it keeps you up at night and things like that think those two signs that I know I can relate with too and I know a lot of other people that are in that high performing go go go space really really experience yeah that's those are sneaky aye those are so sneaky and that I guess from an impact point of view the the biggest impacts are on the people that we love the most which is especially for business owners like it's funny we a business owner is somebody who's like right there's a problem I wanna solve I wanna take more control of our time I wanna have the opportunity to earn more money or as much as I or as little as I please so it's like cool I'm gonna go into business for this idea of freedom and then it's like cool we're in this business and next thing the relationships are falling apart house falling apart and it's just a sad thing that I'm gonna go into business so I can do more of the things that I love to do with the people that I love to do them with and next thing the thing that we don't realise which is one of the biggest things impacting the shattering of relationships is that level of stress that we just end up blowing up like that that zero and that zero to fuckin full villain rather than hero in point one of a second where become sneaky as well is if you're not aware of that the common response or rationale for that is it's other people's fault I wouldn't be like that if they didn't annoy me if they weren't so incompetent if they weren't you know didn't have the IQ of a piece of bark of like you know it's everybody else's fault it's not my stress or my lack of control of my own emotions right and then so again that if it's everybody else's fault well I've got nothing to address because I'm not the incompetent one I'm not the annoying one everybody else needs to get better and I think you you've probably had on quite a large and a hard pill to swallow and it's it's hard for those guys with a shallow gag reflex really is is the old the age old excuse when it is our loved ones that were getting angry or we feel like we're surrounded by idiots is this well can't you see what I'm doing can't you see how hard I'm working for this family for for you as my wife or partner whatever it is it's interesting how that 0 and point one of a second to straight villain and then how we mask our shame of how much we fucked up by making these excuses about you know but I but I do this for us and I'm like I wind back in this goes out to you legendary business owners cause I think you are fuckin the a big solution to a lot of problems in our world but it goes out to you in terms of face the facts you you hopped into business for you and that's why you did it and fucking good on you for doing it there's nothing wrong with that but just don't use that as an excuse when you when shit's not going right and like Harry said you know you've you've missed that or hitting that point of stress that was hidden so you got into business for you I can do it but make sure that you're managing those elements of stress Nick what do you see mate that are that are these sneaky we call them assassins ninja assassins of like high performing men so just just to give a bit more context on on the stress components you've got three different types of stress you have acute stress you've got episodic acute stress um and you have obviously the the long term one which you don't wanna talk about but most business owners are sitting with chronic stress and that's where you sit and you end up accruing all of these health problems over a long period of time so just a quick differentiation between all three acute is let's say you get into a fight with your partner and it's let's say a day or two and then it dissipates and then everything's back to normal um episodic is let's say you are a healthcare worker and you are having to deal with you know stresses more frequently um than not and it's like go time and then you can switch off um also not not a healthy combination but then you get chronic stress and that's the one where most business owners are sitting because you've got the the financial stresses you got the relationship pressures you got all these different things that are just sitting on your plate and what happens is you get stuck in the space where everything seems like it's a lion that's trying to attack you and you're stuck in this hypervigilant state in fight or flight and you're just you're ready to to either run or attack so your mind isn't working as clearly and as effectively because you're in this chronic state all the time you're you're not in a space where you can rationally interact with things you might think that you are but the way that you're going about your life is ineffective so then you've got issues with your relationship you've got issues with how you're dealing with people in the office you're unable to problem solve your body is unable to rest and then you sit with burnout or hyperfixation dissociation heart palpitations insomnia um just random cramps that occur within the body indigestion these are like subtle things but if it's happening over a long period of time and you eat fairly well this is your body trying to tell you listen mate like if you're chronically fatigued and tired or if you're unable to switch off or the mind is really busy that means that there's a loop that is unable to close and you're just stuck in that state so it's a from my side I see it as like a holistic experience that people think is their norm because this has just happened for such a long period of time so when you like oh mate like you know how how you doing I'm okay because that feels like you're normal but you're actually sitting at like an a seven or an eight out of 10 and you're chronically stressed all the time and it's not normal and the minute you do switch off which I've heard I don't know about you guys but so many times I've had clients come to me after let's say uh a holiday and then like I was just so tired on my holiday when I when I switched off for like that week I was exhausted I just slept or they battle to switch off because this this baseline is their normal and it falls off get sick yep yes yes exactly exactly so you've also you've also got the the your immunocompromised all the time so 10 to 1 you're probably popping supplements or you're going to a doctor more often and not and they're like hey but like you got high cortisol your your blood pressure's high and you know these things so I can't but I'm but I'm not stressed I'm just you are you just haven't learnt to effectively physiologically regulate your system so that you can tell your body that you don't have to be stressed you don't have to have a physical lion attacking your clawing at your leg you just can look at your bank account and be like oh goodness I don't have X amount and I need to pay a y amount that's enough to trigger that you know the that set of response hey I am blown away like you guys know we have I think nearly 22,000 guys in our heart performance main group and I spend a a good portion of time chatting to guys in there sending them resources you know doing all that stuff and I'm blowing away and I think you guys already recognise this when when clients come to you but they they go down the pathium and I'm trying to open it I've I've tried everything and I'm like okay cool what does that look like okay I've tried these guys who are struggling with some belly fit I can't get rid of that I'm like what have you done oh I've tried dieting I've tried exercising like cool okay and we will I'll give you guys the the answer that we give our clients at the end of this and I'll show you where to where to get it as well it's it's really simple but it's like got something bad effect I can't get rid of Harry said that I'm blowing up my partner all the time you know you've got this chronic stress level where I'm going to the doctor I seem to always be sick I'm on an array of um chemicals supplements or or whatever it is and I it just blows my mind how many of them have tried such a huge array of things yet what we do is so simple it's not sexy fuck I wish it was sexy like I wish we could just be like hey guys here's the shiniest sexiest object ever and it works it's just like hey guys here is the most basic simple system and if you stall it literally the guys who do just crush it it's like it it blows my mind and it it's devastating that that happens but from from your point of view Harry that a lot of guys have walked through your door and I say that in a positive way as clients rather than the guys that walk through your door sexually um what have you what have you seen as the biggest non sexy non shiny thing that you've done with you guys that have moved the needle for them sleep fuckin hell every time every time like and to your point where a lot of people have tried you know everything yeah the quotation marks a lot of those attempts have been to address a symptom not to actually go down that final like what's actually causing this and so if you follow that process with literally anything whether it's the arguments that you have with your partner or it's with your health or it's with your business or it's with anything if you go beyond how do I fix this thing and that that little step further of why is this thing happening in the first place and then maybe you have to do that a couple times to get to the point of like oh this thing is awful this thing is wrong or this thing is causing these downstream effects and you fix that then everything else becomes so much easier and like sleep is a pretty stock standard one because every human there's not one single human that does not need at least seven hours of night every single night until the day you die there is no study ever that has proved that a human can function optimally and be optimally healthy on less sleep like fun fact for you the there used to be a record uh like in the Guinness World Record books of like how long someone would go without sleep it's like some stupid amount of days and of all the crazy stuff they have in it like they've got dudes from Red Bull jumping out of fuckin satellite things in space and like with people jumping out of planes with no parachutes all that kind of stuff they banned the one of how long you could go without sleep because they deemed it too dangerous because a you there's no requirement for being able to do that anyone could essentially do that and there are so many dire consequences of not getting optimal sleep when you do it like every one night get a shit nice sleep how do you feel next day everything is trash you're more stressed out you can't think properly like you try and train and you're all over the place digestion is trash like stress threshold is like minimal all that kind of stuff but then people don't wanna fix their sleep again how many people take or you just look at how big energy drinks are instead of looking at why don't I have the energy or the focus that that I desire it's like what's the pill that I can take and no dose or an energy or Red Bull or anything like that instead of well if I took if I'm gonna take supplements or do something why not put that into sleep because not only is that gonna give you more energy focus but it has all those other benefits to it you fix that and it becomes easier what do you what do you yeah oh yeah this is classic cause what do you say to the guys who are still listening because I'll be honest the guys who are listening and they heard sleep they're like ah fuck that I ain't got time I got time for that I gotta do other things what do you say to the guys who are listening and they're like okay the man's on a point here The Guinness Book of Real Records literally took this out cause it's too dangerous what would be your first thing that you do with guys to help them asleep consistency yeah in when you go to sleep and when you wake up umm hmm same time everyday doesn't matter if it's Monday if it's Sunday if it's Friday if it's like Wednesday every day of the week you go to sleep and you get up at the same time at least within 30 minutes that consistency is huge where a lot of people fuck themselves is

having to get up at 5:

00am Monday to Friday

and then weekend sleeping until 8:

00am right and just throws everything and then I guess if I'm the guy who's gonna sleep at least I'm gonna sleep at nine PM every night but I'm fucking not falling asleep I'm just what do I do sleep routine No. 1 sleep routine like so many environmental factors that you can introduce to require absolutely basically no effort right once you set that stuff up so that you're essentially mimicking nature so you turn your overhead lights off and have a a dimly lit light either candles or rock salt lamp something like that ideally below eyeline basically representing a sunset yeah naturally if you have that bonus points if you wanna wear blue light blocking glasses you will feel tired within about 30 to 40 minutes like you won't even need anything else cause you naturally feel tired as being in that environment right and you will be able to get away with a lot dimmer like that most people experience like think that they can on top of that you get rid of screens and God forbid maybe actually talk to your partner or your kids you know do anything I know that seems like a punishment for a lot of people but that's the life you created so maybe sit with it for a little bit do anything else you need to to prep for the next day maybe that's either organise your your bag or your your food for the next day organise your calendar like do whatever else you kinda need to in that time that's not on screens and then if you want to you can do your reading or your meditation or your journaling or whatever other practice you might have in that space I can guarantee you you will fall asleep so much easier than someone that's got all the lights on on their screen up until the moment they go to bed like you remove all that stimulus and it becomes so much easier because lo and behold you're not trying to fight biology like if you've got the lights on your on your screen you've got all these cues telling your brain that it's time to be alert it's time to be awake and just because you turn the lights off doesn't mean that it's going to follow suit it has all these internal mechanisms of when to release metal not China when to do all these things these cascade or what chemicals in your brain that require for you to get into a deep state of sleep so the longer that you delay that even though you might get into bed like you said because you've only now essentially started the chain of events to go to sleep you've now delayed you getting into a deep knot deeper state of sleep for another 90 minutes or two hours and so then you're not getting into its proper state of REM sleep for another couple of hours and then your alarm goes off and your mid cycle or you haven't got any REM sleep and you wonder why your brain foggy irritable don't feel arrested and all that kind of stuff because you may have been in bed but you're not actually getting deep restorative sleep one of the one of the studies and I wish I could just grab it and and and quote it perfectly but it was the study they says they have a 5 billion people because it's the study of um daylight savings when we lose when that clock goes back and we lose that hour of sleep and thank God for it though cause just heads up on daylight save you save your curtains right cause there's less sunlight on your curtains that was a that was a question on the radio for the Queenslanders I thought that was fantastic of introducing daylight savings into Queensland but anyway back back to the study you lose that hour of sleep heart attacks increase by 23% yeah 23% that's ridiculous yeah fuckin we're talking about five billion people or more who experience daylight savings that's where it changes you know what happens when you gain that hour of sleep back and daylight savings flicks back off or on whatever you wanna call it how how to text drop by 23% it's like do you need a bigger an hour that is an hour like come at me with that it's ridiculous ridiculous fun fact from all the guys out there and another reason to actually help around the around the house with the getting the kids to bed and you know all that kind of stuff and actually contribute a little bit more for every extra hour of sleep a woman gets her libido goes up by 13% ooh the female 13% the female version of Viagra increases libido by 24% I'm getting out of your wife to get an extra hour of sleep your chance of getting lucky and her desire for you provided everything else is on point then your chance goes out drastically and I'm removing the lights that the house now everything no lights everything's gone curtains are closed it's on it's on that baby's getting his bloody mouth taped there's no there's no more screaming from that baby there's gonna be five more in the next 12 months why did you start to have so many kids Harry told me to turn off the lights and get a salt lamp and sleep went through the roof and can't count how many days Flo's Livido went up by 30% fuck that's brilliant oh that is fantastic news thank you for that Harry that's great that's great um Nick what have you done with your guys cause you talked about the acute levels of stress which is obviously directly connected to the nervous system which is what we talk about a lot with our guys what's the most unsexy boring thing that you do that's just you know helps guys get further in the direction of where they wanna go think just as as Harry said I mean the the sleep component is starting at your baseline so two or three things that I'd like to add what you said there is once you have that level consistency and if you do have an outside space or you do tend to venture outside cause nowadays men don't do that they just wanna work in front of their laptops or in their office mmm when you wake up get direct sunlight so go for the the 10 to 30 minutes of direct sunlight go for a walk or even just sit and have a have a glass of warm water or something on the outside and write or read or do something else but just just to get yourself into the correct rhythms um as well as when the sun is about to set get outside again give yourself the 10 30 minutes I think humans got more of a specific protocol on that like 10 minutes if it's direct sunlight and like 20 to 40 minutes if it's overcast um just depending on the quality of light that you get such a nerd and such a nerd that guy classic is if you wanna be specific then go check out some of his uh interesting data on that I can just imagine you got the cavemen back in the day being like stop walking around with the sun by me I need to be on call I need to look at the sun now um and then just the the the whole thing on stimulants at least stop having any stimulants between you know 8 to 10 hours before bed so normally like a good cut off would be let's say 12 12 o'clock in the day that's a great time to stop with stimulus I'd even say 10 o'clock in the morning like don't do more you don't need more and if you do need more then let's revert back to the fact that you're probably not sleeping or you're not supplementing or you haven't looked at neutropics or you just don't have a clear regime in place and then a bonus tip is if your mind is really busy at night sit down and and write those things out for the next five minutes just imagine that you're emptying out your mind this is something that I learnt from um Tim Ferris a couple of years back like he just says you take your monkey mind yeah put it on paper before bed and then you can go sleep and it takes you five minutes but the the beauty in that from her from her subconscious standpoint is oh I can come back to that I'm not gonna lose this data I'm not gonna forget and I I find that it that you know some of the thinking that I've done throughout the day if it wasn't clear sometimes I have these moments or epiphanies just before bed I write it down and that's when I can you know start structuring it to say oh this is actually a a big you know needle mover and this is something I can come back to this is the answer that I've been looking for let me ponder on this in you know when I when I sleep just allow my subconscious to focus on this idea I'd like to explore that then you can explore those type of things as well so just having a very basic structure in place and having that level of consistency and if you like but I can't use my phone no don't use the phone pen and paper have the book next to your bed have all these things next to you so you're comfortable and you don't have to get up or you don't have to do these things and also don't drink like two litres of water half an hour before bed otherwise you gonna piss everywhere so it it it that that doesn't help either so just like don't have water an hour before bed at least and make sure you do relieve yourself instead of like oh I'm gonna just sleep and then I'll wake up at like 1 and then go do that and then you're not gonna sleep again um you yeah another bonus to writing all that down as well is it forces your brain to slow down like if you're overwhelmed or you're thinking like all these certain things having to physically write about I guarantee you that you can't think as fast as you write so it forces you to actually articulate some of those thoughts and what's going on slow down the the funny thing you that said and I have no study to back this up but I have plenty of experiences with with clients and personal experiences is that you mention that epiphany before beers I have an epiphany and I'm like what happens when I get my guys I'm like take a day off go on holiday take the fucking weekend off like one of my targets for a lot of my clients is like and I think a lot of them is already already happening it's like double your business and take three months off a year they're like that's impossible I might it's not you're gonna do it it's gonna be amazing and you know what's gonna happen from it you're gonna make more money your relationships are gonna be more awesome and your health is better but the reason why I believe it happens is because just before bed you're sitting down and your creative mind comes on and it's got all these amazing ideas that it hasn't had the stillness to bring forward in the daytime cause you've been running around like a mad hatter and suddenly you're like I think I just had a 3 million dollar business idea I'm gonna start and write the business plan for this and all these things I'm like no no no just write down what comes to mind and then work on it but I think it highlights the importance of slowing that down you sleep cause it's consistency every day but also taking the time I give yourself a break like I think you just hit on possibly one of the biggest needle movers in means and business artist lives right there on the button Harry you got something that just wants to come out of your mouth mate I do there's on that exact topic there's a Ted talk called how to get your brain to focus and he talks about how from the moment he woke up to the moment he went to bed was always on the screen from his phone it was iPad to a TV to a laptop with all these things and there was always this stimulus coming in and when it wasn't directly in front of him because being bored is like the worst thing we could ever be so there's always stimulus coming in and like you said it it hushes that creative mind yeah because we've always got something we're always responding and processing information never actually you know connecting any dots no matter how fast long they might be with the information that we've always got in our brain and so like you said for a lot of people that have some of those ideas or those epiphanies maybe in the shower maybe right before bed or in those times where they don't have that stimulus coming in and like for me that's why I like meditation so much because especially being a parent living next to a construction site silence isn't something that I get too often right so being able to sit there with nothing going on and play with some of those ideas and allow that to kinda come up allows you to come up with some of those ideas but you have to allow yourself to be bored to cut off some of that stimulation and to just let it come mate I don't know if you guys seen it but it was a it was a podcast Danny Jones I never listened to Danny Jones before but this guy Jack Crew Jack Krause something like that sorry I can't be as detailed as I'd like to be but he talks about Blue Light and how what you talking about they're like crushing our creativity but to the next level of like being controlled like how controllable we are due to the influx and Blue Light of alive and I'm not gonna go into deep things cause it is fuckin phenomenal but Blue Light is like just tells everything to grow just fucking grow so it's awesome for people with burns cause it's like helps stimulate their skin growth but then you think about everything else like the cancers all these other things that came with it but he talked about the level of control and what happens with control we don't have the capability to stop and think and be creative creative people are very dangerous they come up with great ideas they come up with efficient systems something something that's something sorry um go ahead just have a thought here yeah there's there's there's a principle that I I didn't understand for a couple of years and um it became more apparent um the the deeper I got into this work and it's really this principle of slow down so so then you can speed up and it's in in that slowness where you actually begin to step into that space of creativity where you where you you dive in deep dive into these layers of you know just genius that we all have available to us but we don't need just too busy or too high on dopamine to actually pick up the new answers or have these ideas like you said these epiphanies um so I think with the with the intention here um as much as like sleep is going to help you and your health and maybe you know help how you navigate your relationships and connect with the world around you it's a thing of this is most probably the missing link in why you're not operating at your best it it is the it is the one thing that like once you start taking control of it like you just said and you give yourself that autonomy because essentially it's so counterproductive to slow down everything around you is telling you you need to do this at 1,000% you need to get this K P I you need to move in this direction you need to read 1,000 books this week to make sure that you're caught up with X y and Z when you actually slow down the world slows down for you as well and you actually notice the chaos and the madness everyone's thinking the same no one's thinking differently the herd is going this way because you're standing still you're able to observe and notice the crazy and be like oh well I probably look like the outlier yep did that whole book on outliers that's the idea and that's when you you spot the niche that's when you see the gap and that's when you can pursue that and be miles ahead of everyone else because everyone thought ooh there's a there's a shiny object there I have to do it this way and you're like no I'm gonna be still and be patient I'm gonna take care of myself I'm gonna do what I know and then it'll hit you it'll come to you it will find you the idea the next step the feeling that you're looking for okay I think one of the things that holds us back from that is that we don't realise the our own power of genius and how freaking intelligent that we are and I get moments of it where I think I touch about 1/10 of the pure power that existed me but I think if we could get people to glimmerce of that we would probably stay still for longer and and do more cool things cause people are just so freaking amazing creative but I'm over right if I stay still what am I missing out on what could I be doing and like unless if there's something that I struggle with as you know all the time like someone is just like well if I'm not doing something then it's a waste of an opportunity so it's always just go go go and until like you said at the event you're able to let go of that approach to things which is freaking scary if you have no proof that this other concept of slowing down of just doing nothing of allowing that kind of stuff to happen is gonna work out there's that all that internal monologue of like you're being lazy the competition is doing like it's doing more than you like you need to be doing this you're wasting this you're doing that and you know you're not gonna get there it's gonna take you longer it is gonna work and you have to battle a lot of that just to be able to sit in there which provides only challenges yeah just the discomfort of boredom bro it's hard I've had I've had to take my phone in to get its battery replaced cause cause iPhones max out after some time of course that's what they do and I'm like I don't have my phone I feel really like there's a low level of anxiousness of like when I go out my oh where's my phone I gotta I like what if the boys need me what if cause as if I'm so important that suddenly one of the guys is gonna need me or my client's gonna have an issue like I'm like calm the farm mate for one but I'm like man what a blessing three days now no phone as soon as I leave this office it's it's out I'm done I'm cooking just watching the locally kick about and do his you know one poo every three days at the moment which is like fucking tsunami yeah and that's life I'm like wow this is this is cool and you may have noticed but I certainly have just the clarity that I've got online business structures we were hitting the confidence and certainty that I have and team members and our direction and what we're doing and I'm like fuckin hell executing like a motherfucker here and then that voice comes in I'm like what are you doing not working right now what are you doing being lazy enjoy getting that boredom one thing that like I'm trying to implement more around that kind of frame is like the whole that whole recovery that enhances performance piece so like I try like to try everything to like athletic performance cause I feel like that's a great like you can tie it to just like fit mental business kinda everything like you spend 10% of your time in the gym or actually training and then the rest is actually recovering to prepare for that performance if you're constantly training and doing no recovery you'll burn yourself out you're not so productive but even if you're in the gym doing whatever 24 7 right and so I try to shift that to well if me taking the night off and watching Netflix with Liv or just doing nothing nothing productive or anything like that if that allows me to have that idea to then tomorrow or get a good get a good night sleep and then tomorrow I show up with more intensity I'm more focused I get more work done in less time I do all those things which move the needle a hell of a lot more rather than me sitting here bashing my head against the wall because I need to be here for so many hours and you know focusing on that then well it has improved that performance in that outcome it's just hard when you're in that space I have a question for you when's the last time you read a fiction book uh the last time was it when 50 shades of grey was launched I was in London when I was read I used to read that on the truck on the bus to work bro ha ha ha ha classic classic last book I read just just riding the train with a big heart on that's great that's a that's a real way to do it it just adds a new level of risque to it bro it's fine you are 50 shades of grey right now Liv and I used to read what do we read The Last of us um actually no oh I forget what it was it was this actually pretty good book um but used to read it in bed oh yeah together that was a cool bonding thing that we used to do so like I'd read it out loud um to to her in bed that's what we used to do but that was probably like a year ago oh no it would have been longer cause actually it would have been before jacks so like two years ago man cause I I've got this thing it it's kind of a reflection of the not being able to sit still and being boredom and creativity that got a couple of Jack Reacher books sitting on my shelf that I haven't read I read quite a few and loved them and I was like no no no you gotta read a nonfix it's gotta be business it's gotta be like all podcast it's gotta be like business focus growth focus great mindset like oh man and I must admit about apart from the podcast that I mentioned today which was around health and stuff I've pretty much cut parties out of my out of my life if I'm driving and it's like an interesting anthropological one maybe I'll I'll flick it on but I've just realised like it's not that I am super smart and I know too much things I probably do know too many things if I'm honest like you could make me dumber I'm not a bright intelligent dude but I'm like you could remove a lot of fluff from my head and life would be more effective but it's like I just I just don't need more stuff I realise that we don't lack information and information age but um yeah I think it's time this even have this conversation is like maybe it is time to get 50 shades of grey off the shelf I don't think I have it on my shelf but you know a Jack Reacher or something like that to just get back in the game like he said more information isn't always better like I like Hor Moses Frame or that it's like if you absorbed piece of information but it was a book a podcast or resource of some sort and it does not change your behaviour you have learnt nothing that was just mental masturbation right and so like if you're not gonna if you're not looking for something to change you're not gonna change your behaviour nah why that's there's one of the things that out of all the things that I get anxious about is like I have a few you know mentals or courses that I'm doing that are always tryna help me in some area of life and if I might let someone I'll just catch up on that video I'll watch a training from that course or something like that I'll hop on and instantly I'm in five to 10 minutes within the training um I'm feeling anxious what is that it's like oh cause I've got things that I've got to go take action on and I haven't set my space upright on fuckin thing I haven't got a pen and paper I'm just watching it for the sake of information watching so you can listen to it and take it off and be like oh yeah watch that but then like five minutes later like oh what was that about I'm an idiot so now I I literally I might not not doing that now or have a cup of tea or or spend some time on the floor and then I'll go back and I'll literally put on my calendar boom this is the time that I'm doing this course and I'll sit there and the hard thing is cause you can watch let's say it's an hour training there might be 6 hours of work out of that train he's doing that yeah you know and it's it's overwhelming but it's like okay cool I Learned this one piece I Learned a piece I pause the video I put my action item down I'm like cool important urgent important not urgent unimportant not urgent okay cool yeah nah that's not the thing that needs to be done I just go through that process and by the time I finish watching it out I'm like okay that's that's the next 90 days and I'm like and I get used to that I'm like okay you don't need to watch anything more unless there's something that you've missed all that's gonna speed up their process watch it okay cool and I get on that and I've like at the moment there's a lot on my plate in terms of learning but it's I've made sure it's all focused into one little laser point at the end of my that's gonna make that faster so I'll implement that strategy with that Bam Bam Bam Bam and I'm like but I don't even now like listen to a training without sitting down with a pen and paper and being like right okay cool what am I actually gonna change from this yeah well I understand like with that course they've checked in a couple times that I'm that I'm doing and they're like cool where are you up to what have you done and like nothing like no no more because this is the one bottle net that I'm solving this is the thing that I'm solving I it does not serve me to absorb more information until this thing is solved hey so I will go from problem to problem or bottleneck to bottleneck and there's no point observing all this information and then not doing anything about it so I was like why waste my time and just mental capacity and that's why like a couple of times like you sent me stuff and I'm just like no I don't have capacity for that right now like don't even put it in my fuckin head cause I don't want it there right now cause it'll take me down the train that'll like just derail everything so good cracks the shits when I do that man like she would she would say something and I'll I'll like be in a state and she'll try to try to say something and I just be like I don't have capacity for that right now ha ha and she just like wants to rage it I'm like no and then that's just like a running joke now that like every time that I don't wanna deal with something and she's like sorry I don't have capacity for that right now I'll give you credit cause you've got some of the strongest boundaries ever and you even give me shit

I might message you at 8:

00 my time you like bro what are you doing on your phone I'm like players already asked me the same question like valid point um I wanna I wanna close off for the guys there but I want them to be able to have a place where they can go there for resources there anything else you wanna share with the guys I don't think so if it if there's a problem that you're addressing at the moment or something is not working the way that you would like it to I employ you to look for the root cause like look beyond treating the symptom of the issue of the frustration the miscommunication the stress the low energy the lack of focus like whatever that thing that problem is look that little bit further as to like why is this happening because there's gonna be a bunch of other stuff that if you can solve that thing makes a hell of a lot of other things so much easier not just the one symptom that you're facing right now cool yeah that makes sense and look guys everything we've spoken about tonight is in our Facebook group the High Performance Man Group it is completely free yes we run a business we do coaching for men to get them into a space in their life without absolutely fucking crushing and loving and if you wanna do that that's cool reach out to us and be like hey guys I wanna see what it looks like to become a client that's awesome but if you just want information and you want things to implement in your life come up to the group just join accept you into the group will tag you in the main training which helps you out but there is a sleep training in there there is the nervous system training in there there is the hormone training but there is everything in there for you so I'll make sure the link for that is in the um description of the podcast I hope wherever you're listening to this you're absolutely chasing down and getting clear on the things you really want in your life and moving closer moving closer to what you want rather than just for more and our mission is stronger men strong communities and just by you listening to this you become a node in what is a greater impact on this world because we need you we do need you guys strong men create strong leaders which create strong and safe communities which has a ginormous impact this is not just the next year this is not the next two year 10 years this is the next decades of time so please if you'd love the podcast as well please share it to anyone in your circle and your friends on your social medias and tag us at uncmp that's our Instagram handle and we'll see you on the next one or we'll see you in the group thank you very much Harry thank you very much Nick loved having you guys thank you for the time and um see you in a couple weeks