The Uncommon Man Project

EP11: The Power of Partnership: Choosing the Right Life Partner

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Welcome back, Legends, to another episode of the Uncommon Man Project! In today's podcast, we're diving into a topic that isn't covered in schools, business courses, or books—the power of choosing the right life partner. This essential decision can transform your life in the most positive way or lead you down a challenging path. Our discussion today will focus on how to make sure you choose the right partner, how to leverage this relationship for a more fulfilling life, and the importance of investing in yourself.

We open up with the critical insight that the most important investment you can make is in yourself because you can't pour from an empty cup. But what's the second most important investment? It's choosing your life partner. A fulfilling life full of happiness, connection, and purpose often comes down to the quality of your relationships, especially with your life partner.

Finally, we'll explore how to create sexual tension and maintain attraction in a relationship, why it's essential for a man to control his impulses, and the concept of emotional availability. We discuss how a partner can illuminate your weaknesses, helping you grow into a better person.

Questions for Reflection and Action:

  1. Self-Assessment: Reflect on your past relationships. What qualities in your past partners did you value the most, and which ones caused conflict? How can this understanding guide you in your current or future relationships?
  2. Growth and Change: Are you and your partner committed to growing and changing together? How do you support each other in personal development? Identify one area where you can encourage growth in your partner.
  3. Emotional Availability: Are you emotionally available to your partner? How do you handle conflicts and express your feelings? Practice having an open, honest conversation with your partner about something that's been on your mind.

Tune in to this insightful episode to learn how to build stronger, more meaningful relationships that contribute to a happier and more fulfilling life. 

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Joshua Hamilton: Welcome back Legends to another uncommon man podcast in this podcast. We're going to cover things that aren't covered in schools in your courses aren't covered in your business and aren't covered in books the things that you're going to learn from this one of the most essential things that Transform your life in both a positive way or put your life in the gutter because it is the You should ever invest in the first thing that you should And always is yourself because you can never pour from an empty cup. So today we're going to dive into what that second thing is how you can make sure it's correct for you how you can leverage it to have a much more.

Joshua Hamilton: Fulfilling life a life that you can share a life. That's full of Happiness a life that can be filled with connection and purpose. So what we're going to dive into today guys is the power of selectivity and choosing your life partner. And it's deciding one is something that I'm pumped for because I think it's one of the things that at the end of the day. It doesn't matter how much money you make it doesn't matter how healthy you are at the end of the day life comes down to how awesome are your relationships because those are the things that bring some of the most good in our lives our relationships with our friends our business associates. Everybody I know who A relationships has a higher level of joy in their life. So looking forward to diving in with these Legends today Just I'm gonna actually start with you Nick because you've got a pretty interesting journey of the partnership that you have developed throughout your life.

Joshua Hamilton: what do you think is one of the Main questions you would have asked yourself in the past about selecting. the right partner

Nick Vonpitt: question that probably comes the front of mind would be is this person willing to grow and change with me?

Nick Vonpitt: and I

Joshua Hamilton: Is that a cushion you would have asked them and then back in the day when you were young, or was that a cushion with some experience you would have asked?

Nick Vonpitt: And most definitely not a question that was in the Forefront of my mind at that moment in time. But now looking back that's a really really big question because if someone's able to

Nick Vonpitt: continuously hone in and refine and Change and look at themselves from a perspective of what I could be better. I could do better I could see this differently and it just gives you a clear idea of just how open and receptive they are to uncertainty to life to how you're going to change to how life is gonna change when you maybe have kids or if things don't go as expected and the default thing would be loyalty or respect and I think Naturally those were there fortunately on my end but the change component. I've met so many people and had so many conversations over the years where it's just a thing of

Nick Vonpitt: I've changed so much and my partner doesn't want to change they've just stayed the same for the last 15-20 years and everything still feels the same and then you notice this massive void and disconnect. So I'd say that it'll probably be the first question. in a nutshell

Joshua Hamilton: Awesome Sorry, I ask you a slight different question. What? We all have different phases of life, what did the younger version of Harry look for in a partner? What were you looking for back when you're mid-20s?

Harry Orr: I guess there wasn't too often that I was actually actively looking for a partner. they kind of just came into my Stratosphere but Beauty where I was working that was just convenient for me. And so I didn't have a whole lot of confidence at the time. So it was very much who gave me attention and then who I like to look of like that's Was my filter for that I didn't go out of my way to go and try and find a partner to go and meet someone because I had social anxiety through the* roof. So that wasn't gonna happen. So it was very much who would come to me and quite often because the two spaces did have confidence and some shred of self-worth in the gym or in the kitchen. Naturally that's where those relationships kind of started and most of the time obviously you're in the back. room if you're in the kitchen as I was usually wait staff or thinks of that nature

00:05:00

Joshua Hamilton: Hospitality right. it's the only covered sections sure.

Harry Orr: That's it man

Joshua Hamilton: There's such a good space to be in I always recommend young people in Hospitality for many reasons, I guess.

Harry Orr: it's great you learn it's not s*** where you wait pretty fast.

Joshua Hamilton: Yeah, exactly with that. Let's call that. I don't want to give it a two negative kind of Outlook. But let's just call it the young or the immature version of finding a partner. With that if that doesn't change. How do you think that? impacts things later in life and relationships

Harry Orr: As in not seeking it yourself not putting active effort into it.

Joshua Hamilton: as in maintaining that kind of immature way or that young way of finding a partner because for some people that never change it. How do you think that impacts life later on in a relationship or how people go about finding relationships?

Harry Orr: I think that relates to basically all the symptoms of being in nice guy because in that space of waiting for things to come to you one of the reasons that you're doing that is because you don't have the balls to decide what you want and then go and get it. And so if you're willing to take whatever comes to you, whether it's a partner or a job or whatever it is and then you just settle for that then you end up in that space where because you're a nice guy and you like to please people and unless they're an absolute b**** or someone cheats or anything like that. Then you're in this space where it's not quite amazing, but it's not bad enough to break up. So you're just shy of Rock Bottom. It's just this mediocre can numbness f****** ever and I found myself in not that extent we're relationship but in a relationship where I wasn't quite happy, I didn't know where this was kind of going and then didn't have the balls to break up with cheating on her subconsciously because of cool. I know this will end the relationship.

Harry Orr: This happens So I didn't have that conscience store but subconsciously that'll take this conversation and this thing out of my hands so I don't have to do it because I'm a little b**** and so if you don't go after or figure out what you want specifically you just settle for whatever comes into your Stratosphere because it's there and it's easy and it's not that bad.

Joshua Hamilton: Okay for guys who possibly are listening to this and think maybe that's a little bit like my relationship. What are some of the I guess telltale signs that's going on in their relationship if that's got this nice guy mentally.

Harry Orr: that you don't have boundaries and you say yes to whatever they want. And so whenever they're asking you what you want to eat for dinner. what do you want to do in the weekend? If you want to do certain things, it's always saying either yes, or saying what you think they want to hear. Or what they would be like regardless of how you not saying how you actually feel or what you actually think or what you actually want trying to mold yourself and what you do to appease them.

Harry Orr: that does not work for a relationship for getting them to be sexually interested in you because then it's not even a challenge. It's not a Chase. It's not even fun anymore. I just f* boring. and that's why a lot of females probably then bounce back and then go for the bad boy or someone like that because it's like they've had this person that is just bending it the need and everything. it's like they kind of want to get put in their place a little bit.

Joshua Hamilton: I want you to hold that thought because I want to come back and ask you guys all a question about what is it that actually woman want in a relationship from a man and how do we create that sexual tension you kind of touched on a really looking forward to coming back around because I think that's so something that is actually more basic Than People imagine and the results from are incredible. So I want you to have to think about that because I'm going to come back around and introduce that to me. Ryan out of all of us here mate.

Harry Orr: right

Joshua Hamilton: You'll probably had one of the Most different and sort of challenging experiences through relationships. You have been married. You've been divorced you're now engaged. that's a journey in itself. And I guess is it pointing?

00:10:00

Joshua Hamilton: Where do you feel at points to in terms of your understanding of making the right choice when it comes to a partner and I guess we can say now that the first one you got it wrong. This is a divorce. And how did you understand that and make that decision that maybe I did get this wrong and like Harry said you actually went down the path of rather than just. Not having the conversation you actually stood up for what you wanted. And walk that tough walk that challenge to having those conversations which resulted in a divorce. So I'm interested to know from what how would you've made those choices and what would be different about them?

Ryan Nicholas: Yeah, I mean just reflecting on the way you even ask that question, I think. Literally Nick's answer just before is probably a big one.

Ryan Nicholas: Slightly different though not necessarily having to be on this constant path of change. I don't think for me personally, I could expect my partner to be as all about change and development as I am. But at least probably the just reflecting. I had no idea back then when I was 20 and getting married 21.

Ryan Nicholas: But a bit more of an open mindedness because it goes hand in hand with change. But it's not the same thing. You can be open to new things and be supportive of somebody else changing and developing and growing without necessarily having to be on that sort of trailblazing path yourself, and that's probably one of the things that was Never there and again like this. This is a constant theme whenever I'm on one of these podcasts with you guys, it always sort of comes back to a little bit of the religion stuff like that. reads closed-minded people would not open to any of that and so very quickly that the path that I was on in the changes that I had made were so incompatible with the person that I'm now divorced to where I don't know there was any possible way and I believe me like I personally tried. because

Ryan Nicholas: to me those marriage vows were very serious and I think we even battled me a new Joshua over that I think you saw the writing on the wall before I was willing to admit it in some of our conversations but because of how seriously I took those vows I wasn't going to let Go easily, but it had just reached that point of complete incompatibility.

Joshua Hamilton: I think that's a really beautiful thing about. Bows and I think there's a really beautiful thing about yourself you're very much a man of your word and when it's your word right and that's a bond. that makes the change of a relationship even a harder battle because we're really trying to weigh up this cool. I'm used to growth and change. I'm used to being uncomfortable. They were gonna be these lessons to learn through this. Is this something I meant to go through for our relationship to get better and understanding that to the point where you're like, No, this is actually another lesson adviser. I have to let this go because it's going It's going to destroy her and this is going to be something that turns into poison rather and depositivity. you brought up something that I want your opinion on and do you think age impacts decision making around

Ryan Nicholas: I think maturity does.

Ryan Nicholas: when I was that young I Didn't Know Myself anywhere near as much as I know myself now. Therefore I can make better decisions now that Could you make a case that somebody could be completely mature enough to really understand themselves at 20 maybe but I don't think most people have that ability. I think even this time around when I was separated single and sort of in that space again and dating a few girls one point of Distinction that I made is just between you might have some. Preferences that some things that you would prefer in your mate.

Ryan Nicholas: but then there are some non-negotiables and they're not the same list, there might be some things that you would prefer but you're happy to kind of let go because you've met such an amazing person but non-negotiables and non-negotiables and I think that was a clear distinction that I made this time around as far as what I wanted or you could say even needed

00:15:00

Joshua Hamilton: That the Segway is perfectly into somebody who's, big about manifestation and creating life and relationships that they want. Nick when you look at Keras your wife now Was there an element of manifestation to that in your life or is that? Complete luck that you just happen to be willing to put the work into.

Nick Vonpitt: I'm gonna be honest with there was a quote by Jordan Peterson and I'm in a paraphrase and he says you need to have a thousand fights in your relationship. And if you're willing to do that, eventually you'll make peace. Eventually, you'll both be on the same page.

Nick Vonpitt: I can tell you there were moments where she was the most incredible human being that I've ever laid eyes on or experienced. But at the beginning of our relationship, after that honeymoon phase We truly dislike each other deeply and we triggered each other. And it was just that whole thing of We have a kid it was unexpected.

Nick Vonpitt: And that I will say if you're looking for manifestation out of the whole context of that, I think that was divine manifestation. So what might my kid was a catalyst for that change so that was really like the gasoline on the fire and we thought for a better life we fought for a relationship. We fought to be better parents before to a Break Free very much like you mentioned there Ryan just like, the religious, perspectives and programming and seeing things from one specific angle. We are to fight against that and had to really question everything. So I think there was more of a practical approach on our end because every single conversation every single blow up every single

Joshua Hamilton: Yeah. from the first question to now you've shared kind of What I believe is one of the fastest way to have an incredible life and…

Nick Vonpitt: Reaction or moment where we felt like we wanted to give up or one of us. Did any other person said I'm sorry, or it would always see sore between the two so I think we manifested one another as I don't know our greatest teachers or…

Joshua Hamilton: develop at a very very fast rate. And it's around that growth. And personal development, but it's also around that you use the word trigger my wife or…

Nick Vonpitt: lessons in life and Yeah.

Joshua Hamilton: my partner triggers me.

Nick Vonpitt: we had to figure that out and…

Joshua Hamilton: and I often use the description of woman Illuminating Vessel,…

Nick Vonpitt: the best way to do it was to I don't say Converse but fight and that manifests that maybe…

Joshua Hamilton: they will come into your life and…

Nick Vonpitt: what we have now at this moment in time.

Joshua Hamilton: inate. and shine all the weaknesses in your life Where you suck and as a man? Hearing how weak you are or just having to acknowledge it or is Disgusting in a lot of ways it's hard. It's really horrible and the woman. porch

Joshua Hamilton: She's doing it half the time. She's just cruising around why haven't you done this? Why can't you do that better? Why aren't you a bit of Father? Why don't you provide more? And a lot of ways, it's an unconscious thing that she's been gifted with to illuminate for the man. Can you walk us through how that Is such a powerful? Personal development tool if you're willing to wield it.

Nick Vonpitt: I think it's Ryan you mentioned something maturity. and when you're starting on a journey and you really wanting to cultivate relationship and are these moments of transformation and shifts in awareness? You go from being a boy to a man. the conversation that we need to have is are you still a boy in a man's body at that moment in time? Do you have the awareness? Do you understand what it means to stand firm and to be in that space and to hold that space and to create that sense of security and to have that sense of presence and awareness. And if you don't have that like you said it's gonna be reflected back to you. You're going to be seeing it.

Nick Vonpitt: so to describe that Journey it would be a fast pace way of actually growing up because Unfortunately, most of the things that were modeled to us when we were growing up like most dads are still exceptionally immature. still Boys in men's bodies. they never had someone coming there show them how to be really present really engaged really nurturing and safe, but Fierce they didn't have someone that could model that because their parents didn't know better. They had a completely different set of circumstances. so a woman I think gifts you the opportunity to look at that boy and be like, I'm going to have to repent into the masculine into being this version being true to myself

00:20:00

Joshua Hamilton: I think that's one of the most amazing amazing things that happens in a relationship that creates the relationships that we all look to and go. Holy s***. That's a power couple people say. And it's not based around their money or their financial success. They just see the bond that these two have and they just know that each other's got each other's back. one of our awesome clients guys, and I'm sure he'll be happy me mentioning this but Adrian, he said the other day he was in a situation where they were having a conversation that was a high level of attention. And his Partners it's like are we going to have an argument and he's like To be honest an argument an Alzheimer's when you raise your voice or I raise my voice and we scream at each other and we get angry at each other. So are you raising your voice? She's like no am I raising mind? No. Are you screaming and angry?

Joshua Hamilton: No, am I screaming and angry? No Okay, cool. So let's sit down and have this. discussion They sat down they had that discussion the beautiful thing that came out of it. Was that after that? She was like, wow, we can have these deep conversations. We can have something that we don't agree with that. We can actually work through and I am in a safe space to disagree and know that my man's not going to walk out the door so I can be safe. I can share my truths. I can share my feelings I could break down if I have to like all these things. I just know that as bad as this gets. A man's going to be there and the next day it was just awesome. It was one of the best ones. I think I've had from a client because I just love it when guys do so well in the relationships because I believe it's such a pillar to a great life. It's just like the next day she has his wife said to him but is everything all right?

Joshua Hamilton: Are we all good? She's just double checking right because the old times it wasn't he's like man, we're awesome. She's amazing because I just feel like this fantastic and I'm like make that is the biggest one. It's so amazing. we coach guys who have massive wins in their business and make more money and I've got more health and fitness and all these awesome things that we all look for but from my personal experiences if we have amazing relationships and ever really really fulfilling life. and I really want to carry that on to you Harry because with that No More Mr. Nice Guy syndrome with that nice guy syndrome that happens in so many people's lives. What is it? That woman actually want from your point of view of what your coach mean through and what you've seen really work in their lives to create incredible relationships.

Harry Orr: I think the first part is knowing the man knowing what he wants. And being able to set boundaries and be able to say no it was the first part. So when I was in that space of trying to transition out of being a nice guy, I was listening to a few different people and as a guy called Coach Corey Wayne, which gives a lot of relationship advice for guys and stuff like that. And the analogy that he uses always stuck with me and he said it's like life is like this roller coaster, And so you're supposed to be on your journey and when you meet the right woman, she'll hop on and you're still going on your** Journey. you've just got some company, but for nice guys or people that aren't sure of that Journey or want to mold to what they think the other person wants.

Harry Orr: They end up kind of going nowhere. And so the version of this that I gave to a client once was like if you're smack bang in the middle of the East Coast of Australia and you're wanting to get your goal is to go to Brisbane. And her goal is to go to Sydney and you just end up going dead East. No One's Gonna Be Happy Because you're both compromising no one's actually happy then you start reading this resentment of I'm doing this for you and I'm not getting what I want and they're feeling the same and then nobody's* happy. Everyone's just neutrally miserable. And so to go back to your original question. I think it's a man that knows what he wants. And is willing to sacrifice things and say no to things that don't align with that. because

00:25:00

Harry Orr: there's a power in that. Right knowing that you compliment a man that he isn't going to sacrifice his own worth his own growth his own Journey just to please you that might seem like the move short term. But eventually if you end up with ve a boy slave. That doesn't know what he wants doesn't have any drive to go and get anything on his own. It's kind of like is this okay to go and do Master. Can I go with the boys? Can I go and do this? would that make you happy? Do you want me to do this?

Harry Orr: Nobody wants that.

Joshua Hamilton: Ryan, what's your experience? To what woman really want in a relationship?

Ryan Nicholas: It's like as soon as you ask that question. A word came as a couple other words that are all very similar, but the word that came straight away was just certainty and obviously aligns with exactly what Harry said but certainty safety stability. It's all to do with that certainty and you could apply that in any part of their life, financially whether it's certainty that when you go out with the boys, you're not going to be doing something with another woman certainty just in all areas like the masculine energy is solid. It's either solid and stable or it's action taking but in that sense even the action taking part Can be providing that certainty I think some women.

Ryan Nicholas: Completely hate violence others seem to be drawn to a man that kind of energy has that kind of violent streak, but I think even in For them that violence in that guy is providing a sense of safety security and certainty. I think it all kind of boils down to that. Where's the opposite? I feel like what is the most repelling is Neediness and again comes to that masculine versus feminine. The neediness is tied up in that volatility of too much feminine energy. for a man

Joshua Hamilton: Nick what's your take?

Nick Vonpitt: I think what you guys have mentioned there and it makes a lot of sense. But what I'm going to answer this slightly differently, what is the glue? that really keeps them emotional availability So you can be costing certain confident. Take all the boxes, but if you're not there emotionally. That's the scariest thing for men to do. The relationship will go nowhere. She won't feel those things that you are doing because it's very Due based. I'm doing this. I'm showing you this look at me.

Nick Vonpitt: I've done this for you. I follow my word. I tickle my boxes. I total my eyes crossing my teeth, but if you're not there emotionally.

Nick Vonpitt: You don't even have a relationship. to be honest

Joshua Hamilton: When we mean often talk about emotions some men automatically think off I can mean crying and all that that's emotionally available. What do you mean by emotionally available?

Nick Vonpitt: So there's a term called stonewalling and most men have this pattern. So the minute there's a trigger or there's maybe something disrupts their life. They tend to shy away and they cut off emotionally, so it's obviously energetic based. But it's also a thing of

Nick Vonpitt: You're having a conversation with your partner or someone that you love and you can feel that there's this tension. It's like you're knocking on the door that that person just isn't opening up. They're just not willing to share vulnerability with you. And it's a men don't feel safe within themselves to open up and share that vulnerability that emotional space and that's work that you have to do for you. If you cannot access that enough. Your partner and this is what most fights are most relationships. This is what they struggle with. my partner is doing everything right, but I don't feel like he's there. He's a Spaceman. He's not there.

00:30:00

Joshua Hamilton: that

Nick Vonpitt: And guys just don't it's a difficult concept to express that you can learn to. Meet yourself with that and recognize when you are shutting down. Yeah.

Joshua Hamilton: I think you've touched on one of the things that you mentioned. Earlier as well. That is the difference between a boy and a man one of the biggest things that is so unattractive for a woman is a man who cannot control his impulses. And impulses are I want to smash that other guy. I'm very violent. Just I'm always distracted. I'm looking at my phone. I'm doing this and then I'm doing that. It's a very boyish thing. We have sexual violin urges like men. I feel that beautiful hormone of this. I'll show that really drives a lot of things in us that gets us f*** or want that I'm gonna go after it. But a man with Direction and I love Harry's analogy on the roller coaster on the train because I've always used the example of train tracks like a relationship.

Joshua Hamilton: As to parallels the man the woman you guys are on this journey together, but you always stay parallel the minute you guys crossed that'll be the closest you're ever again in your relationship because then you're heading off in different directions. You're two different Lives having this beautiful journey to get it but the guy who can't control his impulse. He's all over the show is this he's there he wants now that and it's exhausting but it's also very boyish and it goes for the guy when there's tension around that emotional availability we Dodge out it's our impulse to go somewhere else where it's cool. can I control myself to stay in this uncomfortableness in this teacher that we talk about and I think one of the most important things when it comes to guys often talk about, they're wanting more sex or anything their relationship I might

Joshua Hamilton: Learn to sit in the tension and actually learn to create tension in relationship in a positive way between the masculine and The Feminine so you create that through your action taken your decision being in your masculine and it's so attractive and I'll give you the most logical and simple way. I've seen that Because about our age, 30s 40s is different from my parents age appearance generation had a generation where it was man woman at home doing all the things. Now life has changed. Woman's at men at work, but women are still doing all the things at home with the kids doing all these bits and pieces the majority of the time. If you want to increase the sexual tension in your life and have some Romance. Start doing things around the home.

Joshua Hamilton: It is one of the easiest things and one of my clients has got a great game called fear play. It's really interesting. Just a real simple thing that they divide the house tours up. So it's more even and the woman instantly feel like they no longer have another child to look after. It's It's most logical things. They're just like my God. Yeah. I'm just not doing as washing all the time or cleaning up after him like his mother did when he was a kid. Such try that one, too. It's that simple.

Joshua Hamilton: to kind of go further down the Michigan path and what I've kind of experienced with guys and when coaching in relationships. Is men do very very well with goals. Woman actually do quite well with a vision.

Joshua Hamilton: Vision for the family they have an idea of this is how I want the family to look this is how I want it to feel and all these things and the man is like no what we got to achieve these things and this and what I'm like work together use the illumination of the feminine to help open up the man to a vision because then he's exceptional at breaking that down and sitting goals kpis and action tasks and it's such a beautiful synergistic relationship between a man and a woman. I'm like is your vision guys the woman just helped you open up to this Grand thing that is much greater than just the kpis and spreadsheets that you've got actual tangible things that you can do towards your vision of your family. I think it's one of the coolest things and

00:35:00

Joshua Hamilton: For men who are listening to this and possibly thinking I'm not a masculine guy. I'm not all these things that they think or perceive as a mission guy. I highly recommend going back and listening to our leadership podcast about what it is to actually be a leader the different types and how you can step into that because that will help me massively when it comes to these sorts of scenarios in your own personal relationship.

Harry Orr: I think being able to communicate like you said that had a story with Adrian being able to communicate honestly…

Harry Orr: what you're thinking and…

Joshua Hamilton: What are you guys?

Harry Orr: what you're feeling. If you are in a relationship…

Joshua Hamilton: What are you guys Helps maintain the health and…

Harry Orr: where you feel like you can't say things because they might get upset.

Joshua Hamilton: longevity of a relationship.

Harry Orr: They might get angry. you're not sure of how they're going to respond or handle it and then you push that s*** down and then you push it down and you push it down and you push it down until something just snaps and you have this fight over something gonna insignificant when there's this whole storm of s*** that you've kind of swept under the rug. I think if you have a place where you can address things as they come up, like hey this thing that you did just kind of bothered me and I feel a little bit like this and then you talk about it. You don't Linger on things so you can be more present. And so you keep the ball moving instead of just getting I guess angry or resentful and holding on to things that have kind of well past. I think that massively helps having a clear mind and also a clear relationship, too.

Ryan Nicholas: Yeah, Just add to that I think an awareness of your feelings being able to recognize them. But also recognize that feelings don't necessarily tell the truth. And sometimes it requires a little bit more context. I'll share it. It's just happened yesterday. it's a little bit personal it's a bit weird to share this on a podcast with less than 24 hours later.

Joshua Hamilton: Have you got any thoughts add to that, right?

Ryan Nicholas: But I mean lombok at the moment. I was out on a boat at a Gili Islands doing some diving and stuff yesterday. And on the right of the boat on the way home like Leena my fiance's Indonesian as obviously the tour guys in that were Indonesian and they were sort of chatting to her. I was sitting right with other chatting to her my Indonesia Is Not Great enough to understand Every bit of detail of a conversation, but I heard the word hantic a few times. So that means In the different to end which would mean a beautiful sunset chantic is like a beautiful person. So just kind of triggered just a little bit of that kind of jealousy sort of feeling like what's being said here what's going on and I think in the past or I think a lot of guys might have let those feelings

Ryan Nicholas: manifest in different ways. It could have manifested in an argument or could have manifested and just shutting off and going the other direction and avoiding it all together. But I was just realized that those feelings. I didn't have enough context to actually even know whether I should be upset at all or whether it was even cult whether what was said, even if it was something that I felt was a bit unusual is it culturally different and totally okay here and that's pretty much where it landed we had a good chat about it and the only real takeaway Lena said to me is she wishes she didn't involved me in the conversation a little bit more so that I felt part of it and I didn't end up feeling at all the way I felt but it wasn't an argument. It just came from an awareness of those feelings as opposed to letting those feelings. Determine my actions without any.

Ryan Nicholas: Without really understanding them and then further to that it just made me think of at one of our abundant events when Steve was doing a part on relationships and it was about being able to fight kind of more productively.

Ryan Nicholas: it was the way I think he framed it up that way but even just a phrase he said to use if you're going into a conversation that's possibly conflict is like

Joshua Hamilton: The sunny side of the table. I like it.

Harry Orr: It's no truth through them at all.

Joshua Hamilton: I think you

Harry Orr: And the longer you leave having that conversation the more you flesh out this b** that just Adds to it's never going to be but what if I said this and what you're compelling is completely, incorrect. It's always going to be adding to that that was talking about this and they're going to steal your girl and it's like, she's gonna get rid of you and all these kind of s***. That's not helpful.

00:40:00

Joshua Hamilton: You nailed I think.

Ryan Nicholas: Yeah.

Joshua Hamilton: This thing out of that. I think the guys really need to understand this is that it was tension around should I have this conversation?

Harry Orr: delivery

Joshua Hamilton: And should I just let it go I've got all these feelings and if I hold on to this I'm gonna make up all these stories and majority of men and that boy scenario hold it on and do exactly what Harry said make up this whole story about what this means about me. Where you were like, No, this is a conversation yet. It might be challenging but I'm willing to sit in the tension and have it and have a conversation not an argument about my feelings. giving you emotional availability Making a stronger Connection in your relationship. And helps your fian.

Joshua Hamilton: AI weiner to also understand that she's like I can trust this guy that when there's an issue. He's not just going to bury it under the mat and let it fester and then it blows up in the face with some angry Outburst. I can trust them that he's going to bring things up that are important. And I think they misunderstand or miss the opportunity Of those scenarios and how they create just such strong and incredible relationships because everybody thinks Arts there's such things are perfect relationship. There's no arguments. It's like no Nick's all the money thousand fights baby like you get through those so important

Harry Orr: But what that also does is it gives them permission to do the same? So to add to our previous answers what I think a big role of the man to do is to create space right? It's not our job to force someone to be honest. It's not someone else like our job to force them to do something. But when you can create that space where they feel that they can. Share their feelings share those vulnerability share those emotions. Whatever is going on knowing that your You're not going to do something drastic or get angry or whatever it is, but they can share that because hey, you've done the same it's a two-way street. You're not expecting something that you're not also doing yourself and they feel safe in being able to do that.

Joshua Hamilton: Nick bring it right back to This is the second most important investment you'll ever make and why it will make your life or break your life. You might kind of bringing it together and explaining to guys why that statement is so true.

Nick Vonpitt: This will be the closest person to you. Other than yourself worst when you don't feel safe. When you doubt who you are your decisions. This is the person that you are going to spend most of your life with. other than yourself and if you think about that, just the

Nick Vonpitt: The Incredible Journey that's available to you and this person if you choose the right person And if you choose each other and if you choose yourself. And you're willing to look at all the different. Parts of possibility and you said just that dance between the goal and the vision and build a life.

Nick Vonpitt: There's a conversation I had years back and someone basically said that the woman in your home is like the sun. Everything revolves around them. and they create this warmth. That no, man. knows how to create or recreate and it's the thing of you want to have a space where you have a home that you've created that's safe. But you also want your house to feel like a home. Not just these four walls that you rest your head in. And that person will create that if you allow and facilitate it with them and Ryan's been saying manifested together.

Joshua Hamilton: You're reminded of this It's a joke, but It's like give a woman. Should make it home and I've always say a woman's name fire.

Nick Vonpitt: Yep.

Joshua Hamilton: But an amplifier you got to choose that amplifies everything. Remember? You just don't get to choose the part that don't Give woman some sperm and that will give you a child. Give a woman s***. And you could better watch out so they will amplify everything in your life. If you choose it and…

00:45:00

Nick Vonpitt: Yeah.

Joshua Hamilton: if you choose to allow them to amplify the shadow side of you and you can work with that. you see manifest the greatest life you ever managing. if you choose not to It is the biggest thing that you're investing that will destroy your life instantly take half. You fastest way to have your wealth.

Joshua Hamilton: Worth right, they'll your build so much tension that you don't want in your life that your health brings down your wealth destroys your other relationships. so from me step into the masculine repent yourself Use the ability of your partner to illuminate the things in your life. you have and can have the incredible relationship and incredible life that you deserve. Because you all do and it's spectacular to watch and when you guys have incredible relationships you guys create amazing families, which creates incredible. which Expands throughout the place that you live, which is our mission and we love seeing it unfold. So thank you very much for listening to another and Common Man podcasts. Absolutely wonderful to have you here. We will put the resource to our

Joshua Hamilton: Eight down below which you also have access to the models tools and resources that we use to help our guys create Health amazing relationships and incredible wealth it's all there for you. There's a huge amount of support from the community this support from us as coaches. Accountability course there is everything in there for you to succeed. Wonderful to have you here again guys, please To anyone that you think might find this valuable. Appreciate you love you, big time. See ya.