The Uncommon Man Project

EP06: Unpacking True Leadership: Insights from The Uncommon Man Project

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Welcome to another empowering episode of "The Uncommon Man Project," where we delve deep into redefining leadership in ways that break away from traditional notions. This episode is not just about understanding leadership; it's about actively cultivating it within every sphere of our lives. Join Ryan Nicholas, Nick Vonpitt, and Joshua Hamilton as they explore how true leadership manifests beyond authority and titles, focusing instead on authenticity, responsibility, and the courage to lead by example.

Key Highlights:

  • Debunking Leadership Myths: Joshua Hamilton challenges outdated notions of leadership, revealing how true leadership is often marked by authenticity and the ability to inspire trust and action from a place of genuine need rather than authority.
  • Intellectual Honesty and Courage: Ryan Nicholas emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and moral courage in leadership, advocating for leaders who prioritize transparency and difficult decision-making over popularity.
  • Empowerment through Leadership: Nick Vonpitt explores how effective leadership involves empowering others, providing the tools and confidence needed to foster collective achievements and personal growth.

Actionable Questions:

  1. Reflect on your understanding of leadership. How do you see yourself as a leader in various areas of your life?
  2. Recall a time when you had to lead, whether in crisis or everyday situations. What drove your decisions, and how did it feel to take charge?
  3. Considering today's discussion, what are small steps you can take to enhance your leadership skills at work, at home, or in your community?

Final Thoughts:
This episode goes beyond inspiring—it equips you with insights and strategies to redefine and embrace leadership in its most authentic form. As you listen, challenge yourself to shift from conventional views of leadership to a more impactful and fulfilling practice that resonates with personal and communal growth. Share your thoughts and join the conversation in the High-Performance Man Group on Facebook. Let's reshape our worlds with enlightened leadership, one action at a time!

What was your biggest takeaway?

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Ryan Nicholas: Welcome back to the uncommon man project podcast after a few busy weeks with our first project Bali Retreat. We've all been reflecting on some conversations with each other with our community members and one of the key takeaways from that weekend and those conversations has been the need to speak more to leadership specifically our perceptions of leadership some examples in real world real life situations, and then some examples of leadership in action and ways that we can all work on. Developing leadership. So I've got Nick and Joshua with me here and maybe to kick things off. Maybe guys, it'll Josh firstly do you want to Define? Leadership to you. What is you leadership mean to you and specifically some unique qualities that you think a true leader needs to possess.

Joshua Hamilton: And it's good question. I actually had this conversation yesterday with a client where he was like I'm having shot struggles to step into the next part of his business where he has to hire somebody. Because it doesn't believe he's leader and I was What's a leader to you? and suddenly all these images of the movies of Troy maladiator all these aspects of a leader that we get shown all the time specially as men came up and he's on none of those. I'm like either my mate. I'll be totally honest with you. I am none of those aspects of leader. You don't see me wandering around with my shirt off while you do but not on the way of an Adonis where you look up and you go I want that man to lead me in my life. I feel like I could follow that guy. I don't have those aspects. I'm not particularly.

Joshua Hamilton: I'm not the guy who stands up and goes changes People's State and get them into a bit of a row and get the crowd and to be come and follow me into battle. That's never been my thing and to be honest and a lot of ways where I found myself. leading it was from a place of reluctance. and looking at it from a place of this needs to happen in order For me, it was always a great mission to occur. So it was really a place of reluctance. I didn't want to be at the head of something. But something pulled me there at the same place because it's f*** what could we do if this and this and this happened? so Leadership. I don't think necessarily comes down to attributes. But it almost comes down to a situation.

Joshua Hamilton: With somebody is pulled by something greater. And there are warnings out there all the time regards around this as well. Somebody who wants to be a leader for the sake of leading because of the status that it brings because of the Privileges that I'll get with that and then is throughout history and time. We've seen the most dangerous kind of leaders who are there because of status and when I look at I think one of the greatest attributes of a leader is someone who sees it as a

Joshua Hamilton: Responsibility a right and a privilege all at once. not something that I should necessarily be paid for because I'm in a leadership position because I think it comes with that's your responsibility. And if you're naturally stepping into that space and naturally called and that is something that aligns with you. Is that not enough? Why do you suddenly have to have a bigger salary because you lead something. Because aren't you getting fulfillment from that? Isn't that your payment? So I have a lot of questions around what it means to be a leader. But in my own site, it's only changed probably in the last year. that actually if you are a leader and it feels fantastic to lead and you're doing something that fulfills you.

Joshua Hamilton: then why do you need anything more than that?

Joshua Hamilton: And so I think

Joshua Hamilton: I know what is not a leader more than I know. What is a leader is

Joshua Hamilton: I'd say a lot of things. So I'm anti-gaining respect for meaningless s*** or respect at all. who cares? I'm anti-status. and a lot of ways

Joshua Hamilton: I still remember the day that I asked James in the form of a company I think I should be you CEO James. And it goes cool. Let's do that. But it took a year of seeing all the things that were going on and where I could help. And actually falling in love with the mission. To actually go f***. I'm really really nervous having this conversation. I don't even know if I'm the best man for the job. I'm probably gonna get told no. But it's worth getting better down. It's worth having that tough conversation because I think what we do is really awesome. and I'd be happy to take a punch to the face just to try because that's how important it was at the time and now it's even more important.

00:05:00

Joshua Hamilton: Does that kind of answer the question?

Ryan Nicholas: yeah, I think it's a really solid answer. So I think what I heard from the first part of what you were saying specifically was

Ryan Nicholas: there a lot of different types of leaders and it doesn't have to be a specific type like a lot of the attributes or traits that someone might intuitively come up with as an answer to that question. What is a leader? It might be in some forms of leaders, but not in others. I was thinking about that before jumping on today and I come up with a couple of attributes, but then I think as you were answering that. Maybe not all of them are all the time required. for every type of leader some probably apply to the best types of leaders. But you can definitely think of examples where those aren't necessarily there, but they've still gotten the job done. So I think That's a really great answer. Did you have any additional thoughts Nick?

Nick Vonpitt: Right, I think what you guys on there? it does Express leadership. in a way that that's not this overtly hyper masculine figure it's someone that is, willing to hold that Burden that bundle and just like you said Ryan, just get on with it and get the job done. But when you guys are busy sharing one thing that did pop up was just I think a lead at the end of the day what they essentially do is other than maybe embodying the goal or the outcome and acting as that North Star be it from the front or from the back.

Nick Vonpitt: also from my experience and really effectively leadership individuals tend to give a permission slip to the people around them. and say to them What we doing here? Can actually happen like this outcome. This dream might not be tangible right now, but through what you're doing and expressing and living and the way in which you're adding value. It will be. And I think it's just that embodiment of a dream. be it that you at the front or at the back when the middle or acting as this blue, like you said everyone's got a different approach, but I think essentially leaders do give that permission slip when other people were necessarily see it in that way.

Ryan Nicholas: Yeah, I thinking on again the beginning of your answer Joshua or I had a few attributes or traits in mind as what I would Describe a leader to need to embody and then as you answer that I realized that some of them Probably the two that stand out to me. Would be one. Intellectual honesty and when I came to that at first let's just thinking It's important to be honest as a leader, but I know also kind of realize there's probably times when you don't need to be completely transparent to everybody around you. In fact, it's probably beneficial not to and that's where I came to intellectual honesty which by that I mean

Ryan Nicholas: honest with yourself and as much as possible removing any of those internal biases potentially influencing how you're viewing things so that you can make informed decisions from there and that probably leads into the second trade which was Courage to then make the tough decisions. because a lot of the time that the right decisions are going to be tough ones. And just on that Honesty maybe even think just the weekend just gone. I was playing in a semifinal friend or cricket and batting last came into that with my partner we needed about 35 to win as reason more than achievable. And I faced up first. I got out twice in the first two balls. So we're negative 10 right from the beginning.

00:10:00

Ryan Nicholas: Needing then that 45 runs I think roughly to get going and ride. My partner was coming up to me after that telling me we've still got this. It's still going to be easy and we ended up getting there I don't think I believed him straight up front when he was saying that but I smacked a couple of sevens afterwards and then we're back on track and we ended up getting across the line and after the Innings I was talking with Rod and he was like, I said that man. I don't think I actually believed it was possible at all. I was just trying to give you the confidence and it actually works. If he'd said maybe we're f*****. I don't think I would have actually been able to Get through that Innings the way we did and get to the goal towards the end. point there is, complete transparency and honesty doesn't necessarily mean.

Ryan Nicholas: Or isn't always the best idea but honestly with yourself sometime as the leader is going to be important so that you can make the right informed decisions that does that make sense.

Joshua Hamilton: On yeah, and I think you've probably struck. what is one of the most important things when it comes to leadership and business and that is the knowledge a great leader knows how to get the best out of this team. this is critical when it comes to results that it's absolutely critical.

Ryan Nicholas: Yeah.

Ryan Nicholas: Yeah.

Joshua Hamilton: And you've kind of hit on a deeper level of Safety and Security like a man as a leader of his family doesn't matter what you want to look at it and this new age world. So people turn to men this is stronger men strong communities. This is why we have that mission because when s*** hits the fan people will look to me. That's just how it is. And so in your family if you are running around like a headless chicken.

Joshua Hamilton: Your whole family is going to be on fire. They're gonna be stressed out of their mind. It uses examples, if you're a scene and the police turn up you've called them and they turn up and they just Fran to everywhere in the f** know what's going on. How are you gonna feel? And feel lost confused scared out of your mind. But when a paramedic turns up for a cup turns up they walk. They're grounded secure and you're like cool. They're here. They're safe. It's a great leader. That's a great man. Who can do that in his family? And I think it goes back to my comment about. privileged responsibility and rights that as a man should be enough for you. And this is where we trip up as me. We then go I do this day in and day out I make decisions all day every day. I bring home the bacon the least you could do is decide what's for dinner.

Joshua Hamilton: or the least you could do is do this and I'm like that's not their right responsibility or privilege. That's yours. but because I bring home the bacon and I do this then you should do XYZ. No. That is your right privilege and responsibility. You get all that just from being the guy you are as a guy that you get that as a Birthright. That is a beautiful beautiful What a great thing to carry through in life. Don't then develop resentment from it. And so I've been sharing this a lot with guys and I think we had this shared with us, over in barlets. You have that conversation. You're in a business you're working all day. You're making a million decisions. All the time. It's exhausting it is** exhausting. You get home. The last question was like hey, babe, what do you want for dinner? And you just like the f*** sake can you just make one decision that I don't have to think about?

Joshua Hamilton: And then men complain why their woman's heart hit it. just my wife's such a hard-headed woman. She just always driving the decisions always doing this and I'm like Where have you neglected your responsibility and your privilege? to make decisions for the family as small as Tonight we're having burritos Tuesday. We're doing salmon pokeballs Wednesday. We're doing this Thursday, you and I are going out of date night and Josephine's coming in and babysitting the kids and Friday. We're all going out as a team to the beach. Imagine how your wife partner reacts to that. They feel safe. They feel secure they feel looked after. And what do you get in return? Holy moly. They say you give a woman sperm. They give you a baby and give you a you give a woman a house. They'll make it a home.

Joshua Hamilton: all of those things get 10x back to you. by the feminine and I that's where again people forget just because you may not be the boss at work. Doesn't mean you're not a leader in your house.

Joshua Hamilton: Those are the most important piece and I think if men realize the right that they were given when they were born the responsibility and the privilege that comes with it. They would act a lot differently. And I don't mean that in a domineering way. I don't mean that men should be at the top of the food chain and all that* that comes with it. I think of men stepped into that we would have very very safe and secure communities. We wouldn't have this world where people don't feel enough and undervalued wouldn't have this place where woman feel like the old just stay at home mom isn't valuable enough all of these things. We wouldn't have issues with. But we do because US mean including myself. Decide that sometimes we don't want the privilege or the responsibility.

00:15:00

Ryan Nicholas: So true. have you got any stories real life examples…

Joshua Hamilton: 

Ryan Nicholas: where you could say that your leadership? Image was challenged and then sort of how you navigated that experience.

Joshua Hamilton: a hundred percent Any man who's bigger than me physically? or controls the crowd or demands respect that I verse and I need to be XYZ in order to be that. I'm a skinny triathlete. I read bikes and we're how masculine is that? My legs are smoother and nicer the most checks. So I get challenged on a daily basis of my image of what I think a leadership should have been because of what I've sold and what I've seen. but does that make me want to be better? Yeah hundred percent. doesn't maybe want to be bigger? Yeah, it does and then I'm like, okay, why am I doing bench, press when I want to increase my Watson my legs. cool. And that's that Honesty with yourself, right? And I think that alone brings all the intensity which I think is probably a really important piece of the leader. People know those things about me.

Joshua Hamilton: And because I embrace those and my truths are like, I trust Josh. He's authentic. Even though he has nice shiny legs and wears like her. I would still follow him somewhere because I know he's not going to steer me wrong. But still challenged every day. Yeah.

Ryan Nicholas: How big do you want to be by uncommon in October?

Joshua Hamilton: I've already put seven kilos on since my last big race. So, we keep putting that on every four months. We'll get there. I'll read the slowest bike rider by then.

Ryan Nicholas: Nick did you have any additional thoughts you wanted to add to that question?

Nick Vonpitt: Yeah, just took a couple of my notes that were authenticity and he just used it. So Thanks Joshua. I just didn't in terms of just a moment and…

Joshua Hamilton: You will.

Nick Vonpitt: when you were asking that question with Joshua when I was still at Uni I was positioned as a leader for a res. at the time and There was a moment where? I remember I was giving a speech.

Nick Vonpitt: And I stood there and it just hit me with a ton of bricks. Just that lack of authenticity as I stood there whatever'll sharing at the time.

Nick Vonpitt: it's difficult enough for one to look at themselves when you realize that you're in authentic in that moment and you inauthentically expressing yourself. But when you have other people that have to look at you.

Nick Vonpitt: Most of them were believing what I was saying, but you could see that they saw that something was maybe off at that moment in time. And you feel that change in the room or even just post a speech?

Nick Vonpitt: That was a big moment where I kind of saw a couple of things just tumbled down like, my eager took a bit of a hit there and I had to take some stock on if I'm gonna stand here, I'm not standing on a Podium but I'm standing here in a position where people are trusting me with certain things and I've made certain promises and people have witnessed me in making those things. So does my word actually mean something and you touched on something trust if you don't have trust or a poor and I'd even say connection with people you can't read anyone but we accept you because you were And I think from our trip that recently you also tried to convert US to veganism and…

Joshua Hamilton: Okay.

00:20:00

Nick Vonpitt: you actually very close as well.

Nick Vonpitt: and I think Ryan is a strong world as he was. I mean he ended up at that vegan restaurant a couple more times than even expected because he trusted Joshua and that's what trust does. It does give you a permission slips dip your turn to different things and you're willing to go into these different spaces and maybe even question your own beliefs or what is possible. but if you don't have that or you lose that I mean by definition you cannot be a leader Be it father people or for yourself.

Ryan Nicholas: Yeah.

Ryan Nicholas: speaking publicly and sort of leading within that organization and giving talks 30 minute talks to a room full of 100 people and it was something that I was. Fairly early on reasonably good at where I'd be getting the praise and the Commendation from everybody that felt nice and it felt good, but they came a time where I was still fulfilling that role.

Ryan Nicholas: But I was doing it from a place where I didn't even necessarily agree with what I was saying and as much as I still getting for the most part that same Commendation and praise from everybody from a place of authenticity didn't feel right at all. That was what triggered me to sort of step back from some of that responsibility which freed up my capacity to Navigate through what I was navigating through and I think that the key point there was.

Ryan Nicholas: As in a place of leadership of these other people. which wasn't authentic but in order to really lead myself, which is at the center of it. All you need to be able to lead yourself with an authenticity first. I needed to step away from that and that's In a big way allowed me to step away from that place of leadership, but lead in a much bigger better way at least in a way that's more authentic for who I am what I believe and where I want to be if that makes sense.

Joshua Hamilton: And understand my and…

Ryan Nicholas: Yeah.

Joshua Hamilton: not many people go through your level of challenge. from Colt lever to cult leader, nobody.

Joshua Hamilton: There's not many people in life that can say they've flipped their entire belief system twice. and then had that challenge and had you said the intelligence to be able to go through and look at that from different point of view and then your whole authenticity. I think that Gives a massive amount of trust factor to you because you can't sit back here and say You're not willing to challenge your beliefs though, Ryan so may not change my life twice entirely. So come at me with That in itself being able to sit somewhat somewhere and it for something that isn't often present in this world, which is ability to have a conversation and not attacked

Joshua Hamilton: And not have that heightened response where I feel like this guys are taking my beliefs. Therefore. I'm gonna f*** try and strangle more have this is conversation turns into an argument. I think you having experienced all those things has given you that ability and that Essence to win. We have a conversation. That it feels open honest authentic. and it personally makes me feel okay to share. The least that I may have or that I used to have or situations that's going on in my life. And that right there. is leadership Because you created a space where people feel. and I think It is a way deeper level than where people like, it's about communication. Thank you me wrong leadership. There's a lot of communication, but if you can change something energetically in a space in Europe,

Ryan Nicholas: Yep.

Joshua Hamilton: you're at a whole another level that most people

Joshua Hamilton: We'll never get to but they can't explain it's like when they walk away and they go I don't know why. I just feel bitter hanging out with Ryan. I just feel good when I have a chat with Nick. I don't know what it is. but I just enjoy and I think that's a huge piece of the puzzle.

Ryan Nicholas: Yeah.

Joshua Hamilton: How do you make that in your home would be the biggest question for how do you create that environment where people come to your home mostly New kids and your wife and that's just like I just feel safe to be me here.

00:25:00

Joshua Hamilton: And I think you might have nailed it on the head with the authenticity piece because if you're authentic other people like yeah, man, I don't mind dancing around in my theory costume because this is me being me and you're doing what you're doing. So I feel good about it.

Joshua Hamilton: It's good leadership. I don't have a fairy costume anymore for those people wondering. anymore And I'm also just to put the record straight not vegan.

Ryan Nicholas: on a similar no, what types of leadership? would you say that you're naturally drawn to and why but also if that's Difficult as conversely what roles do you typically avoid? and what does that say about your leadership style personally because we're at the beginning you're talking about those different styles of leadership. Not all attributes apply to everybody.

Joshua Hamilton: I would say. Things that I am I definitely know what I avoid. kind of and it's very counterintuitive for a leader because leaders want to create certainty for people. To be able to allow them to feel confident calm, but I avoid people who have certainty in there. Because it either triggers a thing of me going. You have no f**** idea because there is no certainty. So you're making s*** up on the spot which puts alarms on me straight away. like, I'll lean towards someone who is more likely to be I'm sure about this guys, but I think this is gonna be** awesome. But that's because I have a high level of trust and confidence in myself to be okay if this goes tits up, I know I'm gonna be alright. So that's certainly my thing and then how I lead? Is from a place of pool?

Joshua Hamilton: And energy so I'm like, hey guys, this is what I'm doing. This is how excited I am about it. This is what I believe in people can see that so they're pulled towards it and they're like I'm gonna do what that guy's doing. and then keep going back to that just live my life and Alignment all the time as much as human can. and they say authenticity piece and If I looked in the mirror, I was like yeah, that's an attractive piece about myself.

Ryan Nicholas: Another word that you just made me think of that I think applies massively ironically. I think James sackel shared this at abundant a few events ago, but that word congruency is very closely aligned to authenticity but congruency in doing What we say,…

Joshua Hamilton: Yeah.

Ryan Nicholas: we're about and actually being in the bodying that identity.

Joshua Hamilton: I want to change one piece actually because

Joshua Hamilton: there is one thing that And I'm certain about the mission of uncommon man. I probably haven't been so certain about something that is A hundred percent certain that this is our direction that will make an impact that means having a large change that their relationships their business even kind of brings up a little bit of

Joshua Hamilton: I don't know apprehension of me to have that level of certainty but it is there because normally that something that's the kind of human I'd run away from but at the same time I am that guy when it comes to this I'm*** really really good at what we do. results speak for themselves and the relationships and the businesses and things that are going on the men's lives. I'm a hundred percent certain about that.

Joshua Hamilton: So that's a bit convoluted in terms of what I stay away from because that is definitely what I reflect as well. So that's interesting didn't have that thought until then.

Ryan Nicholas: Nick you look like you've got some thoughts.

Nick Vonpitt: I find For me personally that word of certainty I'm always uncertain. I've had not one point in anything that I have done. Am I certain other than the fact that I'm just breathing in this moment right now and I exist. That's all that I grab onto and one of the big things. with that level of certainty or even uncertainty.

00:30:00

Nick Vonpitt: I think that you up to just the possibility of a Feeling that you have to go on it's like an intuitive hit that you're gonna get as you progress through all these different decisions all these moments of clarity or moments of avoidance or moments of uncertainty. There's going to be these little look I like to visualize it as you're jumping from a lily pair to another lily pad and you can only see that next step that's available to you and there's maybe three or four. But you have no idea how deep you're going into that pond. And what's going to be on the other side like what you're going to be experiencing if you're even in a f****** pond?

Nick Vonpitt: And at some point in time, it's just certainty uncertainty and a word that I think a lot of us have used recently is surrender. you've just got a surrender to the fact that you're not going to know everything. That even when you think you don't know and that's a hundred and ten percent. but if you have a feeling about something and you can see some form of a vision or result that path Is not predefined like you're going to Define it as you walk it and it could go in circles. It could be direct. However, it may look. But that thing of uncertainty and that's amazing Joshua that's the first time you've actually verbalized that that's how you feel and that's what you see. And I can say in terms of the feeling. I'm certain of the feeling. How it takes shape.

Nick Vonpitt: I have no f*** idea and that scares me, but it also excites me at the same time. I don't want to know. so maybe I wear Lycra maybe Ryan wears

Joshua Hamilton: Yeah, it's not white for the day.

Ryan Nicholas: I think that's actually why in the past and probably to a degree now as well. I've shied away from leadership is feeling very similar to you Joshua in that. I have a lack of certainty. I'm feeling like to be a good leader. You need to have certain people from my past that come into mind that they're just embody that certainty and just bring people along with whatever they're believing and I also saw that flip and change overnight so many times yet. They could still bring people along because of the certainty they always seem to have but I've definitely realized that it's not needed even stepping into coaching for me in the way that we do here with uncommon man project. for a long time I was in sales roles and sales as leadership to you need to have a level of

Ryan Nicholas: knowledge in what you're doing with sales probably even to a degree like a larger amount of certainty. But what prevented me from stepping into coaching was feeling like I needed to have the answers to everything whereas with sales. I just needed to have a small bag of tricks and I can blow people's minds in an hour all and then pass them on to the people that what they were talking about. And I obviously took that leap and it's been interesting. I've definitely found that I don't need the certainty that I thought I needed to have and all of the right answers for everything that could possibly come up at any point in time.

Joshua Hamilton: What? I have a certainty in my skill level to pull out the things out of people that they need at that time. I have a certain team and my skill set that took They took years to develop. I'll be honest. And as you keep going, I'm sure in 10 years time. I look back at the vision to me now and go** Rocky then go ahead. No skill computer what I have now, I look at the guy 10 years ago now I'm like what a** rookie they go ahead no school. still creating impact. So that's a cool piece. But yeah, I think that's a really interesting piece about the certainty and sales is really important because People need that to take that massive leap because the*** big leap when they're doing something new. So, I think it's really important there, but I think the uncertainty as you go in. To coaching really helps you.

Joshua Hamilton: bring that okayness about it for people and being able to ask the questions from that place means you eliminate bias because certainty has so much bias in it. And you don't want to bring your own bias into coaching because my recipe for life doesn't mean I'll work for somebody else. You've got to elicit their recipe. and that's King.

Ryan Nicholas: Yeah, it's a good question for you I think how does your approach to leadership at work differ from your leadership at home?

Nick Vonpitt: That's a good question. I'd actually say I'm a little bit harder at home that I am at work. to be honest

Nick Vonpitt: I don't when I look at people I think the way that I can express. This is I see people as children. That's how I look at grown men as children. So every single person that I see I look at way where your growth may be stopped. where you sitting in terms of yourself awareness your emotional awareness. Are you able to regulate yourself? the way you perceive your reality? etc. I grade everyone in terms of a child. And maybe in this space due to us having maybe more self-awareness. I don't necessarily have to look at it in that way. So everyone's quite dependent and independent and people do raise their hands for help. and how I approach that is

Nick Vonpitt: Even within coaching or business or parenting or in general leading. One of the big things is helping people grow and helping people, find Clarity and Direction and I believe that that is a theme that I bring both to my business and to my family but in terms of how hard I am maybe on myself and I'd even say on my kids and admittedly a lot more difficult here because I see the weight of the indecision the hesitancy the lack of clarity the lack of Direction. I can literally see that play out in real time, but some of the people that you get to share space with and have conversations with you can see individuals that haven't had that leadership in the household and haven't learned.

Nick Vonpitt: Body that leadership within themselves and it all sort of started off and they were kids. And I mean even today before I jumped on this call. It was a thing of One of the conversations I had with my kids would be. Why do we have this list of things here that we've all agreed upon doing every morning? for ourselves It's a quality routine. It's like yes, that's right, but it's not just a routine that there is for What does it give you when you've done it? I feel really good. And I feel more calm. And I feel safe. That's from my eight year old. I said exactly so why do you think I'm so hard on you to make sure that you show up and do that?

Nick Vonpitt: you do that I said yes because that's how you cultivate a sense of self. You need to see that you can do some hard things even when you don't feel like doing it. and I tried to bring that same level of awareness be it here or in coaching or even Within Myself. To all different areas that I interact with but it's all based on the premise of growth Clarity and Direction and it doesn't need to come from me. You can see me do it but you figure out your own way that aligns with you.

Nick Vonpitt: So I'd say that's kind of how it interlinks. It's a difficult question to conceptualize in another way at this moment, but I hope that made some form of sense.

Ryan Nicholas: definitely does I think really simply for me. I choose to in my work life surround myself as much as possible with leaders, which allows me to Have to take such a front seat as otherwise would all do in personal life and at home and that sort of thing. That's pretty simply like how it just means I'm showing up less of a leader. I think in time times in this space specifically with you guys compared to how I have to be At home. Just did you have any thoughts on that question how?

00:40:00

Joshua Hamilton: No, I Think I'll leave that for something because I've got something for the guys at the end who actually want to change something around their home.

Ryan Nicholas: Okay.

Ryan Nicholas: Moments when you fully embrace your responsibilities as a leader and then what were the impacts of that?

Nick Vonpitt: I think maybe one of the consistent themes that I've experienced is. And maybe this is just a perception.

Nick Vonpitt: that I have at this moment is sometimes like we said at the beginning. The Buck has to just stop somewhere. And if you're willing and open and receptive to receiving whatever that burden basket, Maybe. And you're like, f*** no one else is going to carry this thing. It's not going to move it clearly needs to move because it's going to affect. everyone else I've found myself in that situation. more times than not sitting there be like Okay, I've got to carry the weight because other people don't want to it's too heavy they don't want to take accountability in responsibility.

Nick Vonpitt: I think there's that word of surrender again comes in because I'm just surrendering to the fact that this is being placed on my life and we all have those moments in our life. all of those things where it's just like this is what you've been dealt. This is the hand that you have now. What are you going to do with it? Are you gonna sit and tell a story or you can actually pick it up and be like, okay. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with this right now, but I know I'm gonna have to carry it. So I'll carry it until I understand what that next step is by me just accepting this. I know that the next step will reveal itself at the right time. When I'm able to see it.

Nick Vonpitt: That's happened. numerous times and be it from when I became a parent of a young age, or maybe it was in uni or in school when I was playing sport, Even in business sometimes I've just got this bucket of work because someone else wasn't willing to take owners and responsibility or you've had to take these things onto yourself and say okay it has to get done. I accept that. I'm the one that has to do it. And maybe that then brings us to one of the conversations at a later stage. I'm sure we'll have any as just, being able to Outsource and delegate but sometimes the leader literally has to take control.

Nick Vonpitt: And have that sense of acceptance and be I'm gonna put the extra effort in and I'm not asking anyone to validate what I'm doing by moving forward with this weight. This is just what I'm going to do. This is part and part of my path I'm gonna move This thing in front of me is most definitely going to move because I'm moving because back to that idea of certainty you're certain that you're going to move. The uncertainty of how but you know that you're going to move.

Ryan Nicholas: Kind of like Joshua's choosing to take us to the zest vegan restaurant. I mean no one validated that decision for him.

Nick Vonpitt: No, he was certain and he was very confident in himself. Then I think that was inspirational. Thank you Joshua for sharing that side of yourself.

Joshua Hamilton: Right. just a boy on the back of my scooter and off we went.

Ryan Nicholas: Or just if you want to share some of the practical application that you had in mind for our listeners. Yeah. Thanks.

Joshua Hamilton: Yeah. Think Nick kind of now a couple of the pieces there. Just trying to put it in a way that It can be used really easily and I think had a big impact actually spending some time with Michael Cooper as well. on some of those aspects but the leadership piece around using it to leverage a bit of relationship in your home better relationship with your partner and think at the end of the day a lot of us guys. we want better connection with their Partners be better at home. We want to be better as well. And so one of the things that I've already alluded to us cool if you want to improve that and you want to improve that in your home.

00:45:00

Joshua Hamilton: Start looking at as a responsibility and a privilege to take ownership of decisions and directions in your household. And start taking that weight a lot of men are like, my woman's a hard-headed woman. I'm like that's cuz she's having to take the weight of the masculine. She's having to make all the decisions around the house where the kids are going what they haven't for dinner where you're going next she's having to step into that therefore she feels like a hard-headed woman. Because you're stepping out of the masculine not this cylinder feminine, but just out of the masculine making those decisions. So look at where you're doing that in your house and start doing that not from a place of dominance, but from a place of giving certainty Clarity which then give Safety and Security in your home. And notice how your partner responds at first. It'll be conflictual.

Joshua Hamilton: they'll be f***. I normally make this decisions. I do this what was doing and you're going to have to be soft in your approach So What do you recommend we should do there or how do you reckon we should do that better? And that's okay at the start but as you get further and further on it's like talking to Mike and it's really nice the whole cool date nights on Thursday, I'm taking Fleur out so blur Thursday night six o'clock of book to synthesis to this restaurant be ready by 5:30. Where this lovely outfit I really like this on you babysitter's ready or so-and-so's looking after the dog or the kids or whatever. It's good to go. So you've taken all the things that they're gonna think about. What about that? We've got this the next day. We got all that. It's all taken care of. You've already made those decisions.

Joshua Hamilton: And she can then relax and feminine lean into that place of Safety and Security and what you get back. Like I said is tenfold so do that in your house the next piece of the puzzle is this be open and even ask What does she say? I don't have to ask for sure. She'll kindly give me what she sees and this often creates friction in people's relationships. especially for men because there's something that they know that they've been ignoring or they know that they've been trying to hide it. She sees it. And so forth wasn't so long ago a couple of weeks ago. Really. She's like You're working to way too much Josh. You're always on your phone. You're doing this this and this and this.

Joshua Hamilton: what's happening at work? What's going on here? You're not doing that and I could choose to be like f*** you. I'm doing for us. I'm working harder because I want to bring in more money or whatever it is. It's acknowledge that cool. She's seeing something and she saw a whole bunch of things. And what did that lead to I went and had looked at my own life and I was negating so many of my responsibilities as a leader. I had ignored hard conversations I had not delegated anything. I was disorganized. I hadn't put the right things in the calendar all of these things that I could have chosen to get angry about but instead I went cool you just increase my profession proficiency at work gave me a whole bunch of time back and allowed me to be a better leader just because I was open to what flu would see The feminine is so wise.

Joshua Hamilton: And it sees so many things that when we're in our masculine, and we do all the time we miss. So my recommendation to guys is one get ready for that being seen because I'll see the whole thing The Good The Bad and The Ugly. And start directing and making decisions in your own life, even though you're exhausted because you've done them. You've been making decisions all day. You'll get so much in return.

Ryan Nicholas: Okay.

Ryan Nicholas: that's been super valuable for me. Just hearing you and Nick talk about this. I guess Would be I like the way you put it like Your leadership as a right or responsibility and a privilege and ultimately that really should be enough. I think that conversation around the traits that we think our leaders should embody has been really cool as well. I had a couple I think that courage and intellectual honesty but your point on authenticity and congruency really important as well and I guess If there was a takeaway for a listeners. To do right now it could Sitting down and having a think and putting together some ways that you think even over the next week how you could improve.

00:50:00

Ryan Nicholas: Your leadership qualities potentially break that into a couple of key areas work home life and how you're leading yourself. personally But thanks Thanks, Nick, and I was already gone, but this has been really valuable. So please the podcast if you've found this valuable share it with your friends join the high performance Man Group on Facebook if you're not already in there. and we'll catch you next time on the uncommon man project podcast. Thanks guys.